happy hallow-weaning.

i will post copious amounts of our little elsa and olaf at some point, but i wanted to reflect a moment on this week.

this is the week i decided to wean hollis. i'm going to resist the temptation to justify my choices and the path we've gone down (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not so much), even though that's my nature. i breastfed hollis for 21 months and 22 days. that's a really long time in some respects, and a blip in many others. but it was an amazing experience over all.

i decided to stop because i was only nursing him in the morning and i felt like it was interrupting the quality of his sleep - he has been waking up at 5 or earlier most of his life, and i really feel like it had a lot to do with his anticipation of nursing. he loved it. but other areas of his life were suffering because of it, and that's not what it's about. he also hasn't been eating super well, and i need for him to learn that food is where our nutrition comes from, and it's important to get what we need from the food we eat. no, he doesn't need to wean to learn that, but he's a stubborn dude and i felt like he needed a push. additionally, he was never satisfied. for months now (i don't know how long because it's been going on for a long while), every time i would cut him off, he would cry and freak out - sometimes hitting me and usually pulling on my clothes and being fairly bratty about the whole thing. even on days when i had time to just let him nurse, it didn't matter how long i'd let him, he was never happy and content when it was over. so. i was left feeling guilty and weird even though he nursed a ton and i had plenty of milk.

and then of course there's me. the least of the reasons, but still. i have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the last 4 years and 9 months, and i am ready to not have to worry about which meds i can take for a cough or if i can have tea with ginseng in it. it just feels like it's time. and since this is a relationship between two people, i made the decision.

but still. this has been a fairly hard transition for us. last sunday was the last day i nursed him - he woke up at 5 and we curled under a blanket in the dark on the couch in the den. it was sweet, until i was ready to stop and he got super mad. monday morning i held him and kissed him and talked to him as he cried and asked to nurse over and over again. rough, man.

i've spent this week trying to give him extra time and extra love and cuddles. so he doesn't think i'm withholding love or punishing him in any way. and also for me - i need that extra time with him right now. i've been trying to be fairly gentle with myself as i mourn this ending. with emme, i knew we would (or we would try to) have another child. i was optimistic i'd be able to nurse that child as well, and my hopes were fulfilled with my little duder. but this time, everything is up in the air. who knows if i will ever breastfeed again?

i'm sure a lot of people aren't as nostalgic and sappy about this as i am. but nursing has been one of the great joys of my life. in talking to my mom about it the other day, she said "you really did take to it like a true mammal". ha. and it's true. it wasn't the easiest thing at first, but it really did come fairly naturally to me and to my niblets. and for that i am eternally grateful. because i have loved every day of being able to give this to my children, and every day of being able to receive this gift from them.

spilled milk.

there's no use crying over spilled milk, unless that milk was intentionally unleashed on your floor by a super defiant almost-four year-old. sigh.

i didn't cry, but this morning, emme really crossed a line. she stayed in her bed all night last night (a rarity these days), so i went to cuddle with her this morning so she could have a slow, pleasant wake up, and so i could get some extra snuggles in. she was super sweet and i was petting her face and loving on her when i asked her if she still wanted a waffle for breakfast this morning (typically, we discuss her breakfast desires before bed). she said yes, with syrup, which i was ok with because i have thrown out lots of my standards. ha.

anyway. then she said "and i also want chocolate milk". and apparently i haven't thrown out ALL my standards, because i said (gently but firmly) "no, sweetie, not this morning. if you're having syrup on your waffle, you can have regular milk". which in my adult mind is totally reasonable.

well. she came into the kitchen and i set her waffle with syrup and her regular milk in front of her at the table, then i walked away to pour myself my one millionth cup of coffee. and then she yells, in a super whiny voice that can only be described as bratty, "i SAID i wanted CHOCOLATE MILK!". oh. no. i took a deep breath and reaffirmed the limit. no chocolate milk today. she scream-whined at me again, and i calmly said that i'd already given her an answer.

so she poured her milk on the floor.

deep breath. except, it probably wasn't deep enough, because i was like "NO MA'AM". i threw a dish towel at her/near her and said some things like "that was a mean and nasty thing to do" and "you are walking a thin line, missy" (i mean, who says that?) and "if you don't watch it, there won't be a halloween for you". sigh.

anyway. she did clean it up, while mostly sobbing hysterically. i calmed down fairly quickly and when we were both in a decent place, i talked to her about ways we might have been able to handle the situation better. ugh. i feel so out of my league with this whole thing sometimes. i don't want to be the kind of mom whose kids think everything is up for debate, but i also don't want to be authoritarian and dictatorial.

good thing she's resilient, i guess? so she recovers quickly from my foibles.

two.

i really like these two.

no more sick kids.

wheeee. we are well! for now.

seriously, every time my kidlets get sick, i am a wreck. it's so much to deal with - worrying about them, dealing with doctor appointments, trying to keep up with work, interrupted sleep, all the things. i secretly like some parts of it just a little bit...like how they're extra cuddly and full of love and how it's a great excuse to wash and decontaminate everything in my house. BUT, of course, those things require lots of time and energy too, and time and energy aren't always in abundant supply around here.

i digress. the main thing my kids' illnesses do is remind me of how rarely they are sick. which reminds me of how extremely grateful i am of that fact. for kids who are in daycare all day every day, they are super healthy. hollis's recent bout with hand-foot-mouth was the first time he'd been to the doc since his well-child appointment at 18 months, and the first time he'd been for an illness-related visit since i don't know when...maybe an ear infection? emme ran fever for a day last week but bounced back with authority. she also barfed in the middle of the night on friday night and once on saturday morning, but that was most likely from something she ate and she recovered immediately from that episode, too.

anyway. i am just happy they're well again and we can continue the mayhem of our regular lives without the added bonus of germs and grumpiness.

history lesson.

ek: "mommy! i learned about christopher columbus in school."
me: "that's awesome, sweetie! what did you learn about him?"
ek: "well, he had three boats."
me: "oh yeah? what did he do with those?"
ek: "well, he was looking for the earth. but mostly he was just looking for the beach."

diagnosis.

my poor poor baby. on tuesday, jb picked the kidlets up from school and brought them home. hollis had "bug bites" on his face and the teachers had told justin that they thought he'd "gotten into some ants". i thought it was a bit crazy that ants had gotten onto his FACE and been able to bite him to that degree before anyone noticed, but i just kind of rolled with it. we had guests staying with us, so we put neosporin on the bites and he went to bed quickly and easily.

when he woke up wednesday morning, there appeared to be more bites. and when i changed his diaper, they were all over his groin and on his legs and stuff too. this seemed crazy to me, but i still didn't really think anything of it. i dropped him off at school and as i was backing out, his teacher ran up to me in the parking lot. she was like "i think he may have hand-foot-mouth". i knew immediately as she said the words that of course that's what it was. but since he didn't have any kind of fever, it never even occurred to me. i feel like a ridiculous person, but when ek had it, and everyone else i've heard of with it, it was accompanied by a fairly high fever.

anyway. poor little bug. i brought him to the doc and of course he's got it and it's a BAD case. this morning he woke up and it's even worse and continues to get worse each hour it seems. it's in his nostrils, all over his face and ears, arms, legs, bottom, groin. pretty much everywhere but his belly. amazingly, he's still eating and drinking and he's in fairly good spirits in spite of it all. i can tell it really really hurts him - he keeps pointing at his body saying "chin. hurts. toes. hurts. nose. hurts." this disease is gross and terrible.

we survived!

justin is back and the kids, dogs, and i are all in one piece. ha. truthfully, this was the easiest solo-parenting time i've had. i guess as the kids keep getting older and easier to wrangle, it will just keep getting easier? which is awesome, but kind of sad at the same time since it means they continue to grow up, which directly contradicts my edict that they need to slow that right down.

anyway. it was a good weekend. emme was running a low fever for much of saturday, so after a nice long early morning jaunt to the park in the fall weather, we spent most of the day laying low at home - coloring, watching tinkerbell, playing with trains. i forgot how much fun leaf rubbings are, and we've been a wee bit obsessed with them lately.

magically, ek was feeling better on sunday, so we were able to attend a birthday party for one of her sweet friends from her old school at the thinkery. all was fine and good until we were leaving. some other friends had asked to borrow our pack n play, so i was unloading it from my trunk and i accidentally slammed it into emme's face. obviously, this was a complete accident, but it definitely hurt. the funny thing to come out of it is that she has not let me live it down. she keeps looking at me and saying "mommy, it really hurt me when you hit my face". killin me, kid.

three dog circus.

jb is traveling for work and play this week, so i'm rocking the solo mom outfit for a few days. wheee. i must say, some aspects of solo parenting are super (way fewer dishes - not sure why, but it's awesome). but some parts can be rough - bedtime routine being the most obvious choice here.

anyway...i honestly don't mind it too much. yesterday we brought the kids to a special breakfast out before jb's flight since he'd had to work late on tuesday night and won't see them again until sunday. it was fun to be outside of the normal routine, for sure.

yesterday, after picking them up from school, i got out our halloween stuff. we don't have a ton, but i had saved a pile of toys from last year and they were super excited to be reunited with silly glasses, dancing frankensteins, witch fingers, etc. 

the other fun addition to this week is that we're dog-sitting for our friends who are on their honeymoon. for nine days. it's not so bad since i love dogs a lot, but three big dogs is a lot of dog all up in our house. last night, they were wrestling and playing and it was super cute so i tried to snap some pictures. which of course are blurry, but i think that almost captures the chaos even better. 

side note: the kids are hilarious with calvin (our dog-sitting buddy). he's a licker, which is not my favorite quality in a dog, but he's so sweet it's hard to be annoyed. of course, kids are delicious and the perfect height for much licking, so hollis has learned how to say "kicked off calvin!" with authority. unfortunately for him, his authority holds no water with calvin. ek calls him cal and tries to boss him around when he attempts to chew on their bathtub toys. i live in a (literal) zoo.