Thursday, April 28, 2016

festival weekend.

last weekend we loaded up and brought the kids to lafayette for festival international. we missed it last year and it was awesome to be back, even though it was the most crowded i have ever seen it. the kids had a blast there, although i think the highlights of the trip for them were popsicles for breakfast, hanging with kk & jj & joe joe, and going to the dollar tree. jb and i even got to slip out friday and saturday night to see some music and peruse the crafts. we loved the bach lunch on friday, making masks at the children's area, jb and hollis dressed as twins, and squeezing in a nap during cedric watson. other than the insane rain we hit while driving back through houston, it was a fantastic trip!


 

















snails.

we've had an amazing spring this year. normally, by the end of april, we've had lots of sweltering days and it's already almost a dustbowl here. but we've had rain and mild temps and humidity (trust me, humidity is important).

anyway. i'm embarrassed by how infrequently we've walked to school over the past several weeks. there have been mornings where it's been pretty chilly and mornings where it's been raining...but really, there have been a lot of mornings where we sleep too late and then scramble around and can't make it on time without driving. sigh. daylight savings time ruins me every year.

BUT. on the days that we have walked, we have had the good fortune to find all sorts of snails. there's one particular house on our journey that has kind of an insane yard (truthfully, i think a hoarder may live there, but i guess snails love hoarders?) and there are boatloads of snails there in the mornings. they crawl along this low brick wall and they are easy to spot in the overgrown grass. the kids love looking at all their different shells and sizes. i have to admit, i know they are horrible for the garden, but i love watching them. emme likes the little bitty ones the best.






Thursday, April 14, 2016

whole30 round 2, next eight days.

i'm now in the middle of day 18 and my parents are halfway through the halfway mark today! i'm super duper proud of them, seriously. i'm so psyched about the way i'm feeling this round. it's been especially helpful in light of my strep throat and other health stuff. i think eating this way is keeping my hormones as balanced as they can be and keeping my immune system in a good place.





Wednesday, April 13, 2016

toothless.

she still isn't interested in a visit from the tooth fairy, but i adore this grin.



Tuesday, April 12, 2016

adult illness.

last week i had a couple of rough nights of sleep and was feeling kind of draggy. i went to yoga on wednesday evening and had a hard time catching my breath and was just generally feeling pretty weak and depleted, which is not typical for me lately (even if yoga is hard). when i woke up thursday morning, my throat was sore and my whole body hurt. of course, i denied that this was happening and proceeded through my work day as normal. mid-afternoon, a neighbor called because she'd been in a car accident (no one was hurt) and she needed a ride. well, that pretty much did me in. by the time i got the kids home and jb got home, i was done. i had started running a low fever and my throat was not ok at all. jb came to the rescue and brought the kids to a playground and got them fed while i laid on the couch and slurped on some pho broth.

friday morning i was worse. i headed to the doctor around lunch and he confirmed i had "the worst case of strep" he'd ever seen. ooof. he hooked me up with some antibiotics, and i was in a bed basically the rest of the day and night. amazingly, after many naps and hours of sleep and two doses of antibiotics, i was like 40 times better by saturday morning. i've continued to improve since then, but this just confirms: being sick as a grown up is the WORST. i quarantined myself from jb and the kids because i didn't want to get anyone sick (which worked!), but it was super sucky to not be able to love on my babies for a few days while i convalesced.

Thursday, April 07, 2016

first lost tooth!

ek has been a thumb-sucker forever, which is why (i think) her front teeth started feeling loose a month or six weeks ago. especially her front left. we encouraged her to stop sucking her thumb and not mess with the tooth, i think mainly because losing a tooth seems like such a big kid thing and we were not ready for it - ha.

but, over the last week or two, it got looser and looser. we had many predictions for when it would finally be out, but last night was the night! this whole week it's been crazy loose - the kind of loose that grosses people out when you show them. by tuesday, some of the root was exposed and i knew it was definitely ready.

we felt strongly that she should pull it out herself - the first tooth can be scary and anxiety-inducing, especially for a kid like emme. so each evening, i gave her a paper towel and told her to work on it. we also told her we would go to lick (a fancy ice cream place that she loves) as a special treat as soon as she pulled it.

i got back from yoga last night and i knew it had to come out. it was hanging by a thread. after much shenanigans, i sat her on my lap and jb filmed the whole experience. it took a few tries, but she plucked it out. immediately, her eyes got super big and she started jumping around and shrieking. we were clapping and cheering - it was super fun.

and then, of course, we scrambled to lick even though it was like 6:45. there was no denying that sweet toothless grin. she and hollis chose strawberries & cream and chocolate milk for their two scoops, and they relished every bite.

this weird little monkey decided she didn't want to leave her tooth for the tooth fairy, so for now it's just hanging out in a little container where she can look at it every once in a while. funny kid.




Tuesday, April 05, 2016

whole30, round 2.

i finally convinced my parents to do a whole30 with me! this is my second round and so far (day 9 today), it's waaaaayyyyy easier the second time around. mom and dad are on day 6 today and i am so unbelievably proud of them for giving this a chance. yay, parents!

jb is halfway doing this one with me. as in, when he's with me, he eats what i eat mostly. but he's not whole-hog, and that's ok. i feel like i can go it alone this time.

here's what i've eaten over the past eight days:





health and families.

******this post contains potential triggers as it discusses fertility, pregnancy, loss, etc. please skip it if those things might upset you.******
i have had three chemical pregnancies since december. that is a lot. i found out i was pregnant right before christmas, had my betas done at the doctor (because of my history with an ectopic pregnancy), and learned the levels were dropping instead of doubling. my doctor, whom i love, assured me that i hadn't done anything wrong - sometimes, for whatever reason, implantation doesn't occur. so, your body produces the pregnancy hormone, but she told me to think of it as a "just passing through" type of situation. obviously, though i understand the science and all that, i still "felt" pregnant - i had determined a due date for this "baby", and i felt it as a loss. i know this type of loss is not nearly as intense as what a lot of women have experienced, but it is still a loss, and it is still upsetting. as my mom says, every day that you're pregnant, you bond with your baby a little more, so even a week is enough time to love the little niblet you think/hope you're growing.

we took a month off, more for our hearts than for my body. amazingly, i got pregnant again in february. another test with two pink lines, another due date. redemption. i felt pregnant this time. i'd spent a lot of time and energy after that december loss working to get healthier - yoga, lots of veggies, prenatals every day (not just when i remembered). i had my first beta and it was 10x higher than the (super low) first one i'd had in december, so i was feeling super optimistic. i headed back to the doctor 48 hours later, only to learn that the levels had dropped. again. i would have another loss - it was just a waiting game at this point. i was devastated, needless to say. i felt like i was doing all the right things and i was powerless to stop it.

i was on a work trip alone in southern california for that one, and that did help in some weird way. i was able to focus on going to bed early and spending quiet time with my thoughts. it was a strangely healing trip. i saw my doctor in mid-march, after the trip, and she assured me again that this wasn't happening because something is wrong with me - it's happening because my body is doing what it's supposed to do. she also advised me to start taking baby aspirin daily, which i've researched and decided is a good choice for me.

and then. we were planning to take another month off, but last week when things felt late, i decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. it was positive. faint, but positive. i was worried because i didn't feel pregnant this month, and the faint line was already a trigger for me. but i thought to give it 48 hours and pee on a stick again. the line would surely be darker.

but it wasn't. it was lighter. so here i am again, waiting. it's the oddest feeling. i'm trying to be optimistic and positive. i know a lot of women have a much harder time than i'm having conceiving a single child, let alone a third. i am beyond grateful for ek and hollis - they are perfection and i feel unbelievably blessed and honored that they are mine. and yet. justin and i believe there is room in our lives and our hearts for another child, another person. our family is whole, but maybe it's not complete, not quite yet. we will see,

miscarriages and pregnancy losses are such a taboo subject. they are incredibly, tragically common. as many as one in four pregnancies ends in a loss. but they are also extremely isolating. people don't talk about it. it's incredibly hard for your partner to understand it, even if they are super supportive and patient and loving through the whole thing (as mine is). it's hard to articulate all the feelings around it - sadness, guilt, denial, fear. and then there's the hope, hanging on. the hope that there will be one more person at our dinner table, someday. that i will eventually take a pregnancy test and see a blazing pink line that i know means a strong, healthy little human is getting ready. that i won't live in perpetual fear when i do ultimately get pregnant again. there's always the hope.

so for now, i am going to continue working to be healthy and calm and full of gratitude. i'm doing another whole30, with my parents this time! i'm doing a lot of yoga and it is making me feel really good. i'm hugging my babies as much as they'll let me and trying to take a lot of deep breaths.

Monday, March 21, 2016

sickness and spring break.

my kids are never sick. it's really amazing. but when they do get sick, it's usually at the same time, though not always with the same things. hollis woke up in the middle of the night the week before spring break complaining that his ears really hurt and he needed an ice pack for them. i thought he was full of it, possibly just dreaming, so i kind of blew him off. that led to a few more wake ups and ice pack shenanigans, but i still thought he was probably fine. great mom, eh? anyway. when he got home from school that afternoon, i could tell he wasn't feeling great and he was also running a low-ish fever. he wanted to just lie down on the couch. ek took great care of him, bringing him lots of babies and blankets and reading to him and getting him cold water. i gave him ibuprofen and warm compresses for his achy ears and extra cuddles. at his doctor's appointment the next morning, they confirmed a double ear infection and prescribed omnicef, which is basically the only antibiotic he can take since he's allergic to penicillin. here's some pics of them post-haircuts, and how hollis chose to spend his sick day (in jammies, with alllll the legos).






he started feeling better quickly, but saturday evening at the annual chip party (for national potato chip day, duh), ek was looking puny. i felt her and she was definitely running a pretty high fever. we got her home and on meds and into bed. she ran fever all day sunday too. monday morning was the first day of spring break and her fever was down, but i had given her ibuprofen around 4am, so i brought her to an early doctor's appointment just in case. they determined it wasn't strep and it was too late to do anything if it was flu, so sent us home. i kept her pretty mellow for the rest of the day and by the end of monday, i could tell she was mostly back to normal. those random viral things are so obnoxious.

tuesday i worked because i hadn't planned to take spring break off. i sent hollis to school and ek did a yoga kids' camp at my studio in the afternoon. but i was pretty stressed out about being crappy at both my job and parenting for the remainder of the week, so i emailed my boss and asked for vacation days wednesday-friday. it was definitely the right call, even if i'm behind at work now.






we had a really nice break. lots of time at the park, some play dates, picnics, bagel breakfasts, a movie, and unstructured play at home. i love those times with the kids and need to be better about embracing them. saturday, we battled the traffic and crowds and went to sxsw for sxsj - south by san jose. we saw thao and the get down stay down and we also saw the golden dawn arkestra. they were nuts - the kids loooooved them. after the live music, we headed to matt's el rancho for a tex mex feast and made it to bed super late.










it was tough to get up before daylight this morning and get back to work and school, but definitely a great week.
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