the best medicine.

emmeline laughed last night.  it was a belly laugh - deeper and richer than i expected.  she laughed at her daddy, which is appropriate since he's pretty funny and has also been on a quest to make her laugh since day one of her life.  i didn't get to see it (i was folding laundry and not looking right at her), but i did hear it.  i have a feeling we will both be going to great lengths to get a repeat performance.  yay!

baby brunching and solo parenting.

justin left town thursday around noon to go to new orleans for a bachelor party, so i was on my own with the little miss from thursday morning until around 10:30 last night.  i am exhausted, but we totally did it and i had a great time with her.  she's right on the brink of so many things right now, and it's a blast to see how curious she is.  she is probably days (if not hours) away from rolling back to tummy and she's scooting/crab walking/back bending and launching herself everywhere!  i am astounded at how much someone that little can motor herself around when she wants to go.  her legs and feet are in non-stop motion and i think it's becoming pretty clear that we have quite a mover on our hands.....

thursday afternoon, she and i loaded up in the car to bring liga to the mall, so i decided that since we were already out, we might as well meet up with our friends' thursday baby happy hour crew.  it was a beautiful evening, and emme loved sitting outside and watching the big kids play.  i missed the window of when we should have left by about 5 minutes, so she wasn't crazy about the ride home, but we handled it and she went down pretty easily.  her bath always makes her so happy, so she was able to reset from her car ride fussiness before bedtime.  i was optimistic that i'd be able to get some rest too, but the dogs had other plans for me.  ollie kept trying to jump in bed with me (he has never really been one to want to sleep in bed, so this was ultra weird), and etta paced around the house in circles for pretty much the whole night.  add that to emme waking up at 12:30 and my poor decision to bring her into bed with me (where she spent the rest of the night with either her hands or her feet in my face), and it was not the most restful of nights....

friday, i made it to work and it was an ok day.  by friday afternoons, i feel like i have ants in my pants i'm so desperate to get home to hang out with the little monkey.  we do get a decent amount of quality time during the week, but i just miss being with her all day by the time friday rolls around.  when i got home, she and i went to the grocery store and had a low key night together.  she woke up a couple of times in the night, and again i brought her into bed with me, so i didn't sleep a ton friday night either, but it's ok.  i need so much less sleep now than i used to, and she is always so happy to see me when she wakes up in the night that i can't possibly be upset that my rest is being interrupted.  i am a little curious as to why my miracle child that was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks is now suddenly deciding that she's nocturnal, but i feel like we will work it out.

after emme went to bed on friday, i got the house cleaned and prepped a few things for baby brunch on saturday.  i thought it would be fun to host my (and emme's) yoga buddies while justin was out of town, so mina&rex, erin&vincent, and erin&eleanor came over saturday morning.  everyone brought something to contribute and i made quiche and roasted corn grits and we got to watch all those cute babies play.  they were all SO good - at various points, every single one of them napped, pooped, and nursed.  it feels like just days ago that we were all super pregnant, waddling to our tuesday night yoga class....

saturday night, auntie wendy and her friend ashley came by to visit.  by that point, i was pretty busted, i must say.  emme's spit up has been worse than usual these days (i've read it's worst around 4 months, so i guess we're in that time period...yeesh!), and i hadn't had a chance to shower since late thursday night.  gross.  she spewed several times for wendy and ashley's benefit - such a show-off already.  wendy is almost 8 months pregnant and she was bending down trying to help me wipe it all up.  sorry about that, wendy!  anyway, it was pretty hilarious.  right before they left, i thought it would be a good idea to strip emme down to get ready for her bath because she was starting to get a little fussy and naked time can delay crankiness for a while.  we were saying goodbye and next thing i know, there is pee all over me and the floor.  anyone who doesn't think motherhood is a dirty job should have stood within 5 feet of me on saturday night.  yuck.

anyway.  e went down perfectly and i got to take a super long shower and it was awesome.  i also wised up and just nursed her and put her back down in her crib when she woke up at 2:30 or so.  sunday morning, we went to mass and she was perfect in church.  then we had our yoga/lunch date with camo and alison, which was a blast as always.  this bunny loves yoga time - she is mesmerized by me bending and moving around her and she adores the singing/baby playtime breakdown.

sunday afternoon and evening, we wound it down.  i tried to finish up laundry and cleaning stuff.  emme was not interested in napping, so she struggled with going to bed.  she was finally asleep around 9, but woke up at 2:15 and talked in her bed until 5:50 or so when i finally brought her to bed with us.  justin got home from new orleans, so everything in our little lives is back to normal, i think.  i'm kind of a zombie today, but e and i get to take our first trip just the two of us this friday, so i have that to look forward to (and some incentive to try to get caught up on rest!).  my cousin robert is getting married, so we will be there with bells on.  we also get to meet up with uncle joey on our layover in memphis, which will be super fun.

oh, also, my friend gabby is supposed to force me to start going to the gym with her tomorrow, so we shall see how my starting an exercise routine pans out....

note: i apologize for the quality of these photos - i don't know how to adjust the white balance on justin's camera, and the others were taken with my phone because i was wielding a baby more often than a camera this weekend....

having it all.

i've been thinking a lot lately about having it all.  i think about it when i'm sifting through dirty cloth diapers to make sure all the inserts were separated before i wash them.  i think about it when i'm washing the parts of my pump for the billionth time so i can make sure to have clean gear for making emme's food at work.  i think about it when i'm trying to wrangle all the bottles so she has clean ones to eat from when i'm gone and for me to pump into.  i think about it when i'm strapping weird gear to myself while shut into my office and feeling like a strange alien.  and i think about it when i'm being spit up on for the 4th time in a single feeding right after i've finally showered and changed into a clean top.

i haven't done any significant exercise since the little nibs was born - in fact, i can't even imagine when i would squeeze in an hour for a run (or a fast walk....).  my sewing machine is gathering dust in the laundry room even though i have like 27 project ideas i want to work on.  my culinary adventures consist of throwing frozen vegetables in a crockpot.  my eyebrows aren't waxed or even tweezed and my hair lives most of its life in a ponytail.  the dogs still get love and exercise, but not as much of either as they (or i) would like.  justin and i have our most in-depth conversations via email while at work.  and my friends and family, well...i'm trying, but i am sure i'm falling way short of the mark on that front too.  

the truth about all of this is that i'm happier and more fulfilled now than i can ever remember being.  i believe i've always been a relatively happy person - there are some notable exceptions, but the overarching experience of my life has been a happy one.  and these days that are rushing by in a blur of work and house work and ill-fitting clothes....each one of them is a little treasure in my heart.  the quick sit-down for a bite to eat after emme has gone to bed.  the open-mouthed grin with a throaty coo mid-nursing.  the warmth of little bitty clothes, fresh from the dryer.  the sweet squeaks that wake me up in the middle of the night.  

the promise of the feminist movement and, later, my generation of entitled and self-proclaimed "gifted" boomers' kids was that we could have it all and make it look easy.  climb the corporate ladder, dress like you're in a vogue (or at the very least real simple) spread, have babies that are polite and clean and well-adjusted.  not to mention have passionate and selfless marriages, host elaborate dinner parties, hone interesting hobbies, and keep up with world events and current literature.  or maybe this is all just my interpretation...a telltale sign of my enduring quest for perfection and my exhaustively high standards.  in any case, this promise (or this pipe-dream) is much more real in real life.  ha.  but i love it.  the little details beneath the veneer - the gamut between the spit-up and the toothless smiles - are the things that are interesting and good and true.  having it all is in the perspective.  

heppy valentimes...

after a great weekend, emme's first valentine's day was yesterday.  friday night, we hung out at home and justin and i watched a serious man (coen brothers movie nominated for an academy award last year) after the little monkey went to bed.  it was kind of depressing, but well done.  saturday morning, we woke up and headed over to vincent's house to take his 3-month portraits.  both babies were soooo well behaved.  vincent was a champion and stayed awake for hours modeling.  he was super cute and i think the pictures are going to turn out really good.  emme napped off and on and just watched the activity - she didn't even get jealous of all the attention vincent was getting.

saturday afternoon, justin played golf and my friend ashley came over.  she and emme and i went for a little stroll and ate a late lunch outside because the weather was lovely (finally!).  when dad got home, we grabbed some dinner and then got the young miss to bed.  bath time has always been a favorite time of emme's, but it's getting even more fun as now she loves to kick and splash in the water.

sunday was lovely.  we woke up and did a few things around the house, then e and i went to baby yoga and it was a great class.  we sang songs and did lots of exercises and emme got to babble at all the other babies.  camo and alison were there, too, so we got to see how camo has found her feet and it's absolutely precious.  after yoga, emme took a 2 and a half hour nap while alison and i ate a late lunch and all the way home.  once she woke up, we took the dogs to the park for a long walk.  emme loves being outside and could stare for hours at the contrast of the tree branches on the bright sky.  she capped off the weekend by sleeping 11 straight hours sunday night - i was astounded when the alarm woke me up before she did!

and then there was valentine's day.  emme got 4 valentines this year - one from gg (great grandmother), one from jj & kk, one from gram marilyn, and some flowers from vincent.  these two babies are too cute with each other.  we took a nice walk in the early evening and then justin and i had an awesome dinner after she went down for the night.  we've gotten in the habit of cooking for valentine's day instead of battling the crowds and the overpriced menus at restaurants.  justin sauteed scallops as an appetizer and then grilled filet mignon and lobster tail.  i made fresh brussels sprouts steamed and then sauteed with shallots - my favorite way to prepare them.  it was quite a nice feast, and fun to reflect that last valentine's day we didn't even know i was pregnant and i was still in school - crazy!

Emme's 3 month video

miss emmeline, you are so fine. you are smiling and rolling over and making baby noises and smiling and putting everything you can find in your mouth and hanging out with your nanny while we're at work and smiling and pooping and smiling. i'm expecting you to make the giggles any day now. in fact, your mommy and i have money on when it's going to go down. i still think you're the cutest baby i've seen in 10,000 years... but i may be a bit biased.

the fourth trimester.

little miss.  i read somewhere once that the first 13 weeks of a baby's life are like the fourth trimester - humans developed so that our heads are too big to stay in utero for that extra time, but the amount of action that happens in that first three months is akin to a trimester of pregnancy, developmentally.  if that's true, then welcome to a whole new world in your fourth month!

we are really having a swell time with you.  i know i say it all the time, but you are just so easy and fun!  you continue to sleep anywhere from 6-10 consecutive hours at night, you eat well (about every 2 hours or so during the day), and you are super smiley.  you seem very curious about everything now - you're noticing the dogs, you turn your head at any and every noise, and you're very distractible while you're eating, wanting to know what's going on everywhere.  you're kind of a cat napper, but you can crash hard when you're tired.  my favorite thing is your ability to sleep anywhere....all the sleep training books say that i should have you in your crib every time you sleep, but i think it's good that you feel comfortable enough to relax and pass out whenever you're sleepy.  you're still rolling tummy to back, but you don't mind tummy time nearly as much these days and will spend several minutes hanging out on your belly before rocking yourself over.  you very rarely cry, which is good because your cry is so pitiful and it just about breaks my heart.

last night was your first superbowl party and you represented in your saints onesie since you know who the real champions are.  you coo and make noises all the time...one of your noises sounds like you might be trying to laugh.  liga said you laughed the other day, but i'm not sure if we can mark it down since it's not validated by one of your parents....your daddy is very interested in hearing you laugh soon, as he dearly loves an audience for his antics.  oh, you also are grabbing everything within reach these days.  sometimes you just sit in your bouncy and seem determined to shovel every single toy into your mouth at once.  it's hilarious.

you still spit up like a wild animal (pictorial proof below), but now that i don't get so worked up and worried about it, i actually find it kind of amusing.  when i'm at work, i hardly feel like myself since i don't smell faintly like spit up.  haha.  despite the constant backflow of your meals, you are gaining weight splendidly and weighed 13 pounds when i weighed you yesterday!  you are also super happy after most meals, so i think your status as a happy spitter remains.

i am so excited to see what changes and developments this month has in store.  you are a delight, my little darling.

what's with today, today?

we awoke this morning at a little after 5 a.m. to the idyllic setting of 3ish inches of snow blanketing our yard and neighborhood.  beautiful.  emme woke us up, but that was about 9 hours after she went down, so it was super peaceful to nurse her in our warm bed in the quiet pre-dawn glow.  

at 5:22, liga called to say the roads were icy and snowy and she was worried about taking the bus to our house.  i was secretly hoping for the snow so i could have a day home with emme, kinda like old times....i know liga would have come up if i'd asked her to (on time or late or whenever i wanted her), but since she was a little worried about it, i didn't want to ask her to make the long trek.  justin's boss told everyone to work from home, so the three of us (and the pets) have been hunkered down inside all day.  love that.  

our pipes are still on lock down, but our neighbor across the street is out of town until next week and she said we could use her shower and laundry facilities - thank god!  

we bundled up emme to take her outside to see her first snow this morning.  she was enthralled with the bright whiteness all around.  the dogs were elated - etta promptly began trying to eat all of the snow and ollie morphed back into full-on wolf dog mode.  

there is still a significant amount of mayhem over here, even though it is pretty.  emme had a phenomenal blowout in her pjs this morning.  we have no water, so i got to use about 1900 wipes to make sure she was cleaned up enough (don't even ask me about the greasiness of her hair).  etta decided it was a great idea to puke in her crate after eating 9 pounds of snow and grass.  emme has spit up on me as much as usual, which is more of a problem because of the inconvenience of showering across the street (and the lack of clean sweat pants, which are the only acceptable form of pants when it's cold and you're at home).  i keep telling justin our house stinks (which it doesn't, really, but it doesn't smell clean either) and i think it may be starting to annoy him....oh, and we have been trying to turn the water supply off.  the meter is at the street, so we went there to see if the line was there as well.  there are about 4 inches of dirt in the meter (which makes me wonder how they're doing our water reading every month, but i digress), which was super fun for jb to dig into to find the lever.  he found a lever, but it doesn't budge.  so, i guess the plan now is to just hope our pipes aren't busted when they eventually thaw.  we saw two drips out of the faucets in the bathroom and the tub, so hopefully that is a good sign.  

there have been some good photo and video opps lately....enjoy.  

cold war 2011

austin is in a freezing tumult this week.  it was 78 degrees outside on monday, and by tuesday night we were down to 18 degrees.  i totally realize that normal cities (read: north of here) get 18 degree weather and it doesn't send the entire universe of the city and its populous into a tailspin.  but a tailspin is exactly what happens here - or at least that is what our lives have been topsy turvy this week.

we woke up wednesday morning (was that only yesterday?  yeesh.), after having left our faucets on with a drip the whole night, to the grim reality that despite all normal precautions being taken (short of insulating our pipes, which wasn't going to happen), our pipes were frozen.  we aren't sure if they are busted yet or not, as they are still frozen.  for lack of better adjectives, it sucks.  to make matters worse, it is likely that temps won't creep above freezing until saturday or sunday, so we will have been without running water for 5 days.  that is a lot of days when you have a 3 month-old living in your house.  it's also a lot of days when it's 18 degrees outside and all you want to do is be in your house and your kitchen, making yourself feel warm and toasty and comforted.

somehow, water is necessary for all things in life.  jb went to heb on the way home from work last night and picked up 2 gallons of water.  they were gone by this morning, and no showers were taken, nor were dishes washed.  it's crazy.  add to this fact that our nanny and our baby are home all day while we're at work.  and the fact that i normally do 2-3 loads of laundry in a day.  and 1-2 loads of dishes.  our house is not a pretty picture right now.

i am trying to look at the comedy of this scenario.  i still don't know where my winter coat is (it's in a box somewhere from before i was pregnant), so i am wearing a 3/4 sleeve spring coat when i have to go out.  have i mentioned that i have not lost all the baby weight yet?  apparently i did not inherit the magical metabolism many others have post-baby (even with exclusively breastfeeding), so my spring coat does not quite button around the 10 pounds that insist on lingering well past their welcome.  i actually find the fact that i'm wearing a non-warm coat unbuttoned to be hilarious.  additionally, we have been saving this gift card we got a couple months ago for a delivery meal for just a night such as this.  i ordered the delicious indian cuisine, we waited close to an hour and a half for it to get here (long story), and my meal was wrong (chicken tikka instead of chicken tikka masala - just one word off....).  so justin, eager to please and intolerant of not getting what we paid for, just scurried off to the indian place to pick up my masala.  there is humor in this, i'm sure of it.  maybe we will have a chuckle as we enjoy our dinner....at least we don't have to do the dishes!

finally, even the chickens are mad about the cold.  one of them laid this egg yesterday....

and finally finally, emme is great.  we've all made it (almost) through my first week back at work, albeit a bit more chaotically than we expected.  here's a quick shot of the little miss sitting in her bumbo today.

first day back.

we made it.  the first day is the hardest, i think, and the anticipation of the first day was harder than anything else.  emme did amazingly well, as i knew she would.  and i didn't fare so badly myself - i knew it would be harder on me than on her.

a huge contributor to my holding it together was all the support i received from family and friends.  so many people sent emails, texts, and chats checking on me and offering support and solidarity.  i am astounded once again by the thoughtfulness and awesomeness of the people i know.

my amazing husband, to whom i give credit all too infrequently, was a rock yesterday.  he surprised me over the lunch hour at work with flowers and pepperidge farm cookies.  he always knows the best way to brighten up a not-so-sunny situation.

liga, the nanny, texted me a few times throughout the day letting me know that emme didn't cry once and was all smiles and good naps (and only a modest amount of spit up!!).  i'm so proud of my girl.  she was happy to see us when we got home last night and even though she had one of her most eventful nights in a while (up FOUR times), she seemed ready to play and happy to see liga this morning.  i love that child.

so now we commence the creation of the new routine, the new reality.  even though vincent (the other baby in our nanny share) starts officially next week, he came by for a little while today while his mom went to a meeting at her job.  liga sent this picture of those littles holding hands and i can tell this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

a cold front came in the middle of the night (e and i were both up to see it blowing in), so we will all be bundling up and hunkering down in our little house, waiting for the promise of sunnier days this weekend....