easter weekend.

easter this year fell on my last day of maternity leave, so it was bittersweet.  my mom, dad, and brother drove in on good friday and dad and joe left after brunch on easter.  we had a really nice weekend - an easter egg hunt with lots of friends at the tajchman's house on friday evening (ek mostly wanted to play in the sand box); park time on saturday for ek; mom's friend margaret and her friend carmen and son collins over for dinner on saturday night; and mass followed by brunch at z tejas sunday morning.

i kind of love that the pace of everything really slows down when two small people are in tow.  there are naps in the middle of the day to factor in, so it's really nice for everyone to have a break from an agenda.

anyway.  i didn't capture as many pictures as i wanted, but there are still a gazillion here.  these do include my super dorky pics of my kids in twin outfits.  someone gave hollis the polo romper (it's for a 9 month old and fits him pretty well already.  sigh.) and ek had a matching dress, so i had to get some pictures.  don't judge me!

rodeo.

weeks ago, we took ek to the rodeo here in austin.  it's a much smaller rodeo than what i've heard of the dallas and houston ones, but it was still plenty of entertainment for us!  we had planned to go the weekend before it ended, but that was the weekend after plague week, so we postponed and ended up going on the very last day.  it was so much fun.  we had a random cold front that day, so it was in the 40s with lots of wind and we did not dress for the occasion.  fortunately, like the good mom that i am in random moments, i had extra clothes and blankets for both kidlets in the car.  unfortunately, the same did not apply for justin and me.  jb was in short sleeves and i was in flip flops and a flimsy yoga sweater.  not to be deterred, we braved it and ended up having a great time despite the frigid temps.  it was also kind of awesome because there were hardly any other people there.  

the highlight was the petting zoo - deer, goats, baby goats, alpaca, and sheep were all milling about for us to pet and hang out with.  i love how much ek loves animals...she is so much like me in some things.  anyway...the deer and goats were pretty aggressive.  they knew people had treats and they were not happy when we ran out of treats, so they attempted to eat our clothes.  it was hilarious.  emme was trying to boss them around - hands on hips saying "no, goat!".  

we also got to see a cow get milked and learned a whole lot about the dairy/milk industry.  fascinating (really, it was.  that is not sarcasm).  we walked around all the show animals and they were all so pretty.  i'm excited to go back next year on a warmer day (or at least more prepared).  

since all the animals and emme moved non-stop, pretty much every single picture is blurry.  but, i had to document something!

three months old.

my little boy turned three months old last thursday.  wheesh.  it was my first week back to work and kk was in town helping, so of course i am not documenting it until today, but we did take the pictures last week...

so.  this has easily been the fastest three month period of my entire life.  and one of the more difficult, in many ways.  lots of adjusting.  very little sleep.  busy-ness and emotions.  did i mention sleep deprivation?  but honestly, we are really happy most days and figuring out this whole family of four thing little by little.

for my monthly posts, i'm going to shamelessly steal some categories from another blog i read and update on them.  i'm hoping this helps keep me focused when writing since my brain isn't operating at full capacity these days.

physical: our dude is still pretty big.  his gigantic-ness is tapering a bit...i'm thinking he will not be in the 90% for weight at his four month appointment, but he is still hefty.  my estimate on our scale holding him and subtracting my weight has him at 15.5 pounds.  he's definitely getting longer, too, so some of his rolls are stretching out.  i try not to let this be a source of constant panic about how much milk he is consuming.  i thought i would be less neurotic the second time around, but apparently that is not the case.

likes: hb is starting to dig on his big sister more and more.  i think she moved to fast for him previously, but as his vision/focus improve, he loves to watch her and give big grins.  i am still his favorite person and he loves to be held upright, nuzzled in my neck.  he also likes being outside and we try to hang on the front porch and wait for daddy in the evenings, or head to the back and watch emme mess in her garden.  his favorite thing in the world right now, probably, is bath time in his pod.  that thing is amazing and he would love to just hang out in there for hours.

dislikes: waiting too long to be put down to sleep is the biggest issue in hollis's life these days.  he also gets persnickety if he's on the floor/in his bouncy seat for too long.  he abhors tummy time.

biggest achievement of the month: starting school.  i think this is a pretty big deal.  he was not crazy about the transition at first, but he's doing better every single day and i am so proud!

biggest challenge of the month: getting rid of the pacifier.  even though he was reluctant to take it in the first days/weeks, hollis fell in love with his beanie.  and we took it away.  his school won't mess with them, and i think consistency between home/school is in the best interests of everyone, so we got rid of it (they weren't going to change their policy just for us, so....).  it was a rough few days.  really rough.  but he got through it and is finding his hands and i think we'll be much better off in the long run.

nicknames: hb, hollissey, bittles, babbins, bits, smalls, bg, chublet

sleep: ahh, the mecca that is sleep.  we are doing ok in this department, if i'm honest with myself.  my standards were set unreasonably high by ek and her 8 hour stretches at 8 weeks old.  i flipped hollis to his tummy for sleep about two weeks ago, and this has been the best decision ever.  he was getting too big/strong for his swaddle, and with no pacifier, he needed to be more comfortable than he has ever been on his back.  i know it's somewhat controversial, but this has worked incredibly well for us and hollis is getting stronger neck/back muscles as a result as well (added bonus for my kid who hates tummy time).  so, now he is doing longer stretches and his sleep is becoming more predictable, which is great.  he does 3-4 naps during the day, usually 1 long one (2.5 hours is pretty typical) and multiple 45-minute ones.  at night, he's down around 7 and usually has his longest stretch at this time - anywhere from 3-6 hours (the 6 hours has only happened once, but i'm optimistic we will see it again someday).  depending on what time that is, i either nurse him and put him back down in his crib, or bring him to bed with me and co-sleep the rest of the night.  i know that's controversial too, but i have to do what i have to do right now so i can make it to work/function in any capacity.

temperament/personality: if i had written this post 3 weeks ago, i would have said that hollis is intense and has a temper.  while those two things are still somewhat true today, i think my little monkey has begun to turn a corner.  h smiles SO easily and his smile takes over his whole face - that big, toothless grin is incredible.  he is very stubborn (yep, another one.  lucky me.), but i think it is a quality that will serve him well in his life.  he's pretty needy, but then he is also three months old, so i'll let it slide.  ha.  all in all, i think he's heading in the direction of being a sweet, laid back little boy, even if we're not quite there yet...

eating: obviously, breast milk is all he receives right now.  he doesn't mind bottles, but hasn't really gotten consistent about when/how much he will eat, which makes pumping and packing for daycare super interesting.  i weaned him off the prilosec after a few weeks because it wasn't really helping and he's actually doing just great without it.  still spitting up, but not too bad (nothing like emme), and he doesn't seem to be in pain/rejecting food at all.

superficial: this dude still has blue eyes!  he also still has barely any hair, but new blonde hair is growing in.  it's so soft and i love to rub my cheek on his head while rocking him.  i'm obsessed with his rolls and chubs.  his belly is a perfect forum for raspberries.

motor development: hollis is taking his sweet time on doing things like lifting his head and rolling over.  his neck muscles get stronger by the day (especially since i started putting him to sleep on his tummy), but it's going to take a lot of muscles to haul that big dome around.  he's grabbing and batting really well - the other day he managed to pull a toy off of his bouncy and bring it to his mouth and it surprised him so much.  adorable.

favorite things: bath time.  mommy.  nursing in the middle of the night.

and now, the photo barrage (a few of these are blurry but too cute not to post).

back to it.

dear hollis,

my sweet boy.  yesterday was my first day back at work and the longest i've been away from you since you were born.  it wasn't too terribly horrible, mainly because you are still phasing in at school, so i got to pick you up at 12:30 and see you between naps in the afternoon while working with kk taking care of you.  i have a feeling the reality of it all will hit me pretty brutally next week when you're gone for the full day and we're doing this whole thing by ourselves.

in truth, i feel like you and i got robbed.  your birth was so sudden and quick and i haven't really been able to catch my breath since.  we get better every day, but i spent so many days and weeks trying to figure you out, i need at least another month of quality time just enjoying who you are and who you're becoming.  but, such is life (or, at least, this life right now).

you are growing like a weed and are turning in to such a charming little monkey.  your smiles and almost-laughs are the highlight of my days.  we had to ditch your beloved pacifier last week because of the transition in to school, but you're learning to handle being without it as you learn to sleep and calm your body down.  there is such a lot to learn when you're a little niblet and i hope i'm guiding you gently but firmly in the right direction.

mostly i just want to tell you that i love you beyond belief.  i didn't know what it would be like, having two children, but it has just confounded me how you've made the size of my heart and my love grow into new dimensions.  i will miss being the one who sees you after every nap, who nurses you for every meal.  i will miss your sweet face burrowed in my neck when i relent and let you just doze on me instead of putting you down.  i will miss our errands and floor time, our hang outs with friends.  i will miss teasing you about how much you hate tummy time.  i will even miss lugging your car seat in and out of places and listening to you scream in the back seat when you get too tired.

change is really hard my love.  and in this case, it feels really unfair and unnecessary.  but you are in good hands and i will make it up to you by smothering you with all the kisses i can outside of daycare hours.

love,

mommy.

the plague and the stay at home mom.

last friday morning when we went in to get emme up, there was vomit all over her bed.  awesome.  i took her temp, bathed her, stripped the bed, and asked her how she felt.  great, she said.  she even ate breakfast and did some laps around the house squealing to prove it.  i figured it was related to congestion or something, but decided to send her to school because she didn't seem sick in any capacity.  saturday morning was the same scene, but she again acted totally normal.  i started thinking maybe it was psychosomatic - like she was waking up with bad dreams and vomiting?  who knows.  i called her doctor's office and they said not to be too worried about just two nights in a row, but maybe only give her clear liquids the last hour or two before bed...just in case.  at this point, i check facebook and a boat load of her classmates are down for the count with a stomach bug.  bummer!  but, considering how she was acting all day saturday, i thought we'd already seen the worst of it.

sunday morning we woke up puke-free.  great success!  she wasn't eating much, but she was in great spirits and all was well.  we decided to take a sunday afternoon drive to look at houses and this is when the poop hit the fan.  or the car seat, as it were.  from the back seat, we hear a little voice say "my tummy hurts".  so we start motoring to the nearest establishment with a bathroom.  before we could get there, though, we could smell the accident.  poor kid.  so i get out of my seat to go check the situation and it is NOT good.  emme was completely distraught and her seat/pants/etc. were a mess.  so we head home, get her out of the car.  justin hoses down the car seat and i strip her in the front yard and bring her inside to get cleaned up.  jb comes inside, gives her a bath, and everything looks to be going a little bit better.  i was nursing hollis and i hear her ask to sit on the potty and say her tummy hurts again.  she coughs twice and i was about to tell jb to have the garbage can ready when she projectile vomits all over him and the bathroom.  so, back in the tub and pull out the clorox wipes and the hot water wash.  she was puny the rest of the afternoon and went to bed early, but we had no more incidents.

then, around 2 a.m. monday morning, i wake up puking.  super fun.  i manage to nurse hollis a few times between bouts and justin (smartly) headed to the couch.  ek wakes up at 7:45 and feels awesome, but i'm feeling like death warmed over and jb starts feeling badly too.  great fun.  monday was spent trying to hold down small sips of water and ginger ale while tending to hollis and trying not to feel overly guilty for letting emme watch 352 episodes of thomas the train on demand.  oh my how that girl loves thomas.  anyway.  we made it through the day, somehow, which was amazing.  by 7:30 at night or so, i was able to eat a piece of toast, but i had a screaming headache and my whole body just hurt.  i hate stomach bugs.  jb was out of it as well, so we crawled into bed around 8:30.  hollis was up a few times, but he is (thankfully) really easy at night, in that he will wake up, nurse, then go right back down.

so, yesterday was back to a state of normalcy.  ek was looking good and i thought she was fine to go back to school.  over half of ek's class was out on monday, but it seemed to be a relatively quick bug, so we brought her.  i began the slew of laundry and dishes and wiping down everything - i feel like i want to bleach my whole house when we have a bug like that.  and hollis decided he wasn't napping at all.  i get a call from e's school at 12-ish saying she'd had a loose stool and i need to come get her at 2:30 after nap.  so i do.  the afternoon was better than anticipated - she helped me make soup for everyone for dinner, we spent some time outside, etc.  but, her school's director asked that i not bring her back to school today.  AND...school is closed for a half day tomorrow and all day on friday for some conference.

so.  i am exceedingly thankful that i am on maternity leave right now.  i'm also acutely aware of how hard it is to have two at home by yourself.  it makes me feel like a terrible mother...like i could never be a stay at home mom.  i know that's not really true - i am just not used to it.  this was sprung on me, so i have no plan, no agenda.  and i'm still recovering from being sick myself.  i feel like each part of the day is me neglecting one or the other of them.  hollis has to be relegated to his bouncy seat with his pacifier so i can make lunch for ek or pay attention to her for a minute.  emme has to fend for herself while i rock hollis to try to get him down for a nap (or else he screams and makes everyone upset).  the day goes from fabulous child-centered bliss to intense chaos minute-to-minute.  is it like this for everyone?  anyway.  i want to relish these unexpected days with both of them - they are really so few and far between.  but i'm so concerned about trying to do everything perfectly that i end up fast forwarding through the good parts of just being with them.  i'm working on that.  and right now, they are both asleep at the same time, so i should grab a bite to eat while i can...

cardiologist update.

i brought hollis back to the cardiologist on tuesday.  they did another EKG and did an ultrasound of his heart this time (we've previously only had echocardiograms).  everything looks great!  his SVT is not presenting, and his heart function is "perfect" according to our doc, so we are thrilled.  we go back in two months this time, so that's great as well.  our doctor is moving to san antonio in may, and i am SO sad about it.  he has been really great and i get attached to people, but he assures me the other doctors in the practice are all very good and hollis will be in good hands.

he did say we will have to keep hb on the meds for his first year.  apparently, once they start, they don't like to stop.  sigh.  giving this baby medicine is a task.  i have all his meds lined up on his window sill.  in the morning, he gets heart med, probiotic, and anti-reflux.  they are all liquid and he HATES having me squirt stuff down his throat.  mostly, he spits everything back out at me.  he scrunches his face up like winston churchill and just squeezes it out of his mouth and stares at me with disdain.  i find myself blowing in his face/mouth, kind of like giving a pill to a dog.  it's pretty ridiculous.  surprisingly, he takes the meds best when he is crying.  it's so stupid to sort of want your baby to cry so that you can give them medicine, but the meds will often shoot straight back and actually make him stop crying (probably out of surprise and righteous indignation).  anyway.  at noon i only have to give heart meds.  then in the evening we do heart med, anti-reflux, and vitamin D.  sometimes i skip the vitamin D if we've had a sunny day and he and i have been outside quite a bit.  but still.  that is a LOT of stuff to be squeezing down a little man's gullet.  i'm so grateful there are meds available that clearly help our sweet boy, but it would be nice not to have to think about dosages and having a burp cloth on hand to wipe up the syrupy mess he can spew.

as an aside, we're on day three of the anti-reflux meds and they are REALLY helping, i think.  he's going to sleep so much more easily and doesn't seem agitated and uncomfortable all the time.  of course, he is still showering me with spit up a few times a day, but he's doing it without arching and crying, and that is all i need.

hollis at two months.

yesterday was our sweet boy's two month appointment, and i really think he's doing much better.  we are now on the path to fighting his reflux.  our doc thinks it's the reason h is so fussy and cries like he's in pain.  she also thinks it's why he is so big - he has been eating to try to quell the pain.  that made me feel pretty horrible - to think my baby has been hurting all this time!  but we are giving him prilosec now, so hopefully this really helps. it's so ironic that i hate giving my kids any medication and h now gets three different things a day...ugh!  i also have always hated the reflux diagnosis - it feels like a cop-out.  but, if it offers him some relief, i'll take it.  and, i'll take the cute chub, too, even if it's just a side effect of the reflux.

anyway, other than that, we are plugging along, trying to develop some semblance of a routine before i have to go to work.  it's tough - the different moods and levels of exhaustion impact each day.  but hollis's good periods are getting longer each day.  he is getting super smiley.  he's sleeping a teeny bit better/longer, but still nothing more than about 4 hours or so, on occasion.  we'll get there.

two month stats:
height: 23" - 60%
weight: 14 lbs - 90%
head: 40.5 cm - 60%