on raising a daughter, part 1.

i'm feeling all writerly today, so i apologize for the increase in words - particularly serious ones.  i came across this article this morning and it got me thinking. 

for those that don't feel like chasing links around the internet, the article talks about how people respond when they meet little girls.  they instantly go to value judgments about how precious/clean/well-dressed/beautiful said girl is.  and i do the same thing, which sort of boggles my mind.  these girls ARE all of those things, of course, but that is not all they are.  and the immediate observation of it seems to be doing a disservice to generations of girls who now value beauty over substance (the statistics in the article are terrifying).  this is something i've struggled with in my own life (and still do) - at times choosing to underplay whatever physical attributes i have in favor of being taken more seriously as an intellectual.  both extremes are a lose/lose for women and girls in so many ways.  i can recount about a zillion stories around this issue - it's not some revolutionary topic - but what i loved about this article was the proposed solution.  ask the little girl about her hobbies, her ideas.  what she likes and why.  offer to do an activity with her - read, color, dig in the dirt.  i hope i can keep this focus on substance at the forefront of her development, even though i will continue to dress her in adorable outfits and make sure she's clean (most of the time...).  but i worry about all the outside influencers.  when you start tallying up the number of hours your little monkey is outside of your realm versus inside, it gets depressing.  how do you combat reality television and skintight clothing and mascara commercials?  how do you ensure that your daughter(s) place a greater emphasis on their heads and hearts but also make sure they know it's still ok to take pride in/be comfortable with the way they look?  how do they become people that grow more beautiful as you get to know them because of all the exuberance and personality they possess?  

the bottom line is that i DO think my daughter is beautiful.  but the things i love the most about her are her curiosity and her stubbornness, her precociousness and her big heart - and that's just the beginning.  i am sure the list of traits i love will expound into eternity....i just want to make sure i remember to tell her about all of those things instead of just talking about her eyelashes and her complexion....

baby birds.

they hatched last week.  wednesday, if i remember correctly.  small pink pulsing things with not a feather between them.  one of the eggs did not hatch, and that was our first loss.  we wondered about the environment, the timing.  maybe that was the one she laid first - a day before the other two - and it just wasn't quite ready.

but the other two made it.  it's hard to know what thriving means in the world of baby birds and wild things.  they were growing - anyone could see that.  but the mama was there less and less as the days went by.  we rationalized that maybe the nest was now too small for all of them.  surely they didn't need her constant vigilance - food was more important, right?  in any case, they grew and grew.  more than tripled their size by the time we got home on sunday afternoon.  sprouted delicate and unfathomably tiny feathers on their little baby wings.  hung their faces out of the nest, mouths gaping, waiting for their next meal.  justin read that they eat every 20 minutes when they're this little....and i thought a human baby was a demanding eater.

i guess it was too much for her.  this morning when i left for work, i saw one on top of the other.  i hoped maybe they were just sleeping, nestled in with each other.  but justin looked closer when he was leaving, and the bottom one had no open beak, no quick pulsing breaths coursing through its little body.  the live sibling was in bad shape, too, so justin scooped him up and brought him to work.  fed him mashed dog food and water.  have i mentioned the drought we're having in texas?  this is the manifestation.

justin is on his way with our little survivor - bringing him to a wildlife rescue place where they are trained in the art of baby bird rehabilitation.  i guess we'll see.  but i do hate the reminder of how nature gives but it also takes away.

here's a pic of marcus, our little survivor, in the incubator when justin dropped him off at the wildlife place. we hope he's a fighter!

wildebeest.

our child is a wildebeest.  this was an insane weekend.  justin had a work retreat that was scheduled at the last minute, so he was out of town on friday night.  my friend ka came over for dinner and we had a relaxing evening where we got a chance to catch up and eat dark chocolate.  saturday morning, families were invited out to justin's work retreat, so emme and i headed to upper sisterdale in the hill country.  it was a lovely drive and the place where we stayed was incredible - a beautiful home with a huge pool at the tallest point of 80 acres.

i randomly got sick on saturday afternoon after eating something that my tummy did NOT like, so that was the only bummer about the whole thing.  emme kay got to swim and play with baby kittens and talk to all kinds of new people and generally live it up.  that child loves to socialize.  the night was a little difficult - she fell asleep ok, but woke up around midnight because of some ruckus outside and she was immediately in the mood to play.  i brought her into bed with us for a little while to see if that would help calm her down, but instead she was trying to pluck my eyelashes out one by one and investigate all of my teeth.  this kid is a maniac.

sunday, we got home around 2 and she was still tired from her morning swim, even though she napped the whole way home (almost 2 hours!).  we played but she was kinda fussy, so i took her on a walk and she was almost asleep on our way home.  i brought her into her room, rocked her a little bit, and put her down when she was almost asleep, just like i always do for naps and bedtime.  she was down for about 4 minutes and then started squawking.  justin peeked in to make sure she was ok (the squawk is not entirely unusual for this little monkey) and he was like "come and see this".

and this is what we saw.  see?  wildebeest.  i love her.  we'll be lowering the crib tonight...

what the duck...

last saturday, our friends justin and kristina threw a birthday party for their son oliver who was turning two.  the theme was "farmer oliver" and everyone was asked to wear their overalls (if they had them) and boots, etc.  justin and i refrained from overall and boot-wearing since it was supposed to get up to 105 degrees, but my mom had just given emme the cutest pair of overalls, so she was totally ready for the occasion.  again, because it was psychotically hot, i opted to have emme rock said overalls dexy's midnight riders style: with no shirt underneath (google it - come on, eileen).

the highlight of the party was a traveling petting zoo that set up on oliver's deck and had bunnies, ducks, a hedgehog, a chinchilla, and a bearded dragon (a really awesome looking lizard).

beyond the outfit, emme was totally ready for this experience.  that child really has no fear.  she watched as all the older kids sat in the pen and took turns petting each animal.  as they gradually lost interest, i figured i could crawl in there with her and see what she would do.  as most people know, i am an intense animal lover, so i was in hog heaven with baby bunnies, etc.

anyway...emme went for it like a champ.  she was particularly enamored with the ducks, and those are what justin mostly captured pictures of.  she doesn't quite understand that you're supposed to be gentle with animals, so i had to watch her really carefully.  a few times, i would get distracted by something (there were so many cute animals to pet!), only to look down and see that she was clutching one of the duck's beaks (bills?) - and i mean really clamped down on it.  the ducks weren't crazy about that, but she's just a baby so they let it slide.  surprisingly, she also loved the bearded dragon.  totally takes after her mother there....

it was such a cute, fun party and gave me ideas for some birthdays down the road....

welcome to negril

So it has been about two months since we traveled to Jamaica to see Mike & Kim get hitched. I'm just now making it through most of the video I took over the 5 day excursion. It's easy to see just how much fun everyone had when sifting through the images - really an awesome trip. I've put together the first of what will probably end up being a series of videos from the weekend. We flew in to Montego Bay and took a shuttle out to Idle Awhile in Negril. I think it's safe to say we would go back in a heartbeat (when it's time to stay idle awhile that is). Mike did a ton of research and found this little gem tucked away in a lazy stretch of Seven Mile Beach. More video of the weekend to come!

emme's 6 month video

dear emme,

this has been the best 7 months of all time ever. it has been a joy to watch your little personality emerge day-to-day. thank you for making this a wonderful fathers day. you are a ball of energy and fantastic entertainment. don't ever change.

house hunting #2: new house!

a lot happens and changes really fast at our house.  it's really always been this way, so i don't know why i expect it to slow down (ever), but this time is no exception for sure.  after my angsty post about our house, we actually found a house that was awesome a little north of our current home (neighborhood = not as hip/trendy but still relatively central and best of all affordable!).  we saw it on a sunday evening and decided we wanted to put in an offer.  long story short, our offer was submitted too late and the seller had already accepted someone else's offer.  we were SUPER bummed.  justin especially.  the yo-yo of emotions associated with house buying are exhausting.

anyway.  our realtor felt really bad about the situation with that house, so we all redoubled our efforts and made a list of six houses to see the following weekend (last saturday).  one of the houses was in roughly the same neighborhood as the one we lost, but the pictures looked kind of blah.  we weren't super excited about seeing it, mainly because we still had the image of the other house in our minds and we just couldn't imagine getting lucky again.  so, we went to the first four houses and they were all just so-so.  none that we would really consider living in, even though they weren't horrible.  then we headed to this house.  it was surprisingly amazing.  i think i walked into each room for like 12 seconds before declaring that i would absolutely live in the house.  i let emme crawl around on the floor and she was fired up about it too (or at least, i think she was as she spit up on their carpet - ha!).  it's a 5/3 or 4/3 + an office, depending on how you look at it.  and the layout of the house is perfect for us.  there's a big living room with the kitchen open.  a secondary living/sitting room with dining area in the front of the house.  4 beds and 2 baths on one side of the house and a really lovely guest suite on the other side.  this is super perfect because my parents come to town once a month and we always want people to come visit us but have always had to cache that statement with "and hotels aren't that expensive around here..."  now we can say "oh please do come visit - you can stay in our guest room that has an exit to the backyard and POOL.  very exciting.  oh, yes, so we also have a pool.

a pool was not something we thought we wanted or were really considering until we saw it at the house we lost.  standing outside on a june day in austin, we started thinking about how much we love to be outside and how much we love to hang out with friends and how much emme loves the water.  it was like we could envision family and friends hanging out around the pool as we grilled stuff and the kids played.  once we got that visual, it was like we could not get it out of our heads.

so, this house has a pool too.  we looked at everything, talked about it a little, and decided we should go for it.  our realtor brought the offer documentation to our house at 8:45 that saturday night, and our offer was accepted on sunday afternoon.  it's all moving so quickly, but the inspection was yesterday and everything seems to be go for launch!  we close july 21....start lining up your visit!

lab rat.

a few weeks ago, i got a letter in the mail from the university of texas.  in it, they said that the hospital where i delivered emme (i think all hospitals) released public records about live births, and they indicated that i had a child between the ages of 6-7 months.  this was true.  they asked if we would be interested in letting emme participate in a research study for the university, and then went on to give a basic overview of the process and whatnot.  i thought it sounded really interesting and fun for emme to do.  maybe that sounds crazy, but i think research into social behavior is super important and i knew everything was non-invasive and non-traumatic.  so, saturday morning, we headed over to UT.  two nice girls came out to the car to meet us and they played with emme while i filled out the permissions forms, etc. 

we headed back into a room where there were even MORE toys for the little miss to enjoy while they put the cap on her head.  she could have cared less - it was so funny how un-phased she was by the whole thing.  she just really wanted to hang out with this bouncy frog they had.  anyway...they had a huge screen in front of emme and i sat next to her in a high chair and they played images of two different faces on the screen for her.  they did about 11 repetitions per round and about 9-10 rounds total, so the whole affair was maybe 8 minutes long?  she did great!  she focused on the screen and the researchers said they were able to get some really great readings from emme's brain.  

as we were leaving, we got a little t-shirt for ek and they got to tell me more information about the study (they couldn't explain much before because of bias and influence from the parent).  this particular study was about attractiveness bias - the tendency for people to believe/listen to people that are attractive more than people that are not.  they are trying to determine if this is a learned behaviour (based on media/cultural influences, etc), or if it's something innate - like facial symmetry and the golden ratio and all that foster a tendency towards those people more than towards people who don't have those physical qualities.  their goal is to figure out how to combat attractiveness bias based on their findings.  i thought it was super interesting and not something i would have ever given a whole lot of thought to.  

anyway....here are some before and during pics of our little lab rat!

p.s. justin wanted me to post these pictures and say that they wanted to test our baby because she's sooooo advanced (a running joke at our house).  i forgot to mention that she's fluent in mandarin and knows basic calculus already....

new pet.

let me begin with a little backstory.  last year, when we went to st. thomas on vacation, we arrived home to chaos in all sorts of ways.  one of the more minor bits of chaos (or so we thought) was a pile of brambles in our mailbox.  we noticed it and just thought it was yet another random fiasco and that maybe the neighbors had had a few too many and thought it would be funny to fill our mailbox with twigs and leaves (stranger things have happened, right?)...SO...justin took our mailbox off the wall (we have the box kind that is right by the door) and dumped out the trash into the yard.  much to our dismay, three small birds' eggs came out along with the trash that we now realized was a nest.  we were so sad!  i know it's not really our fault and all that, but we are animal lovers over here and it was just heartbreaking to squelch these little lives before they'd even had a chance - and just because we were annoyed at the general shambles of our house.

anyway.  flash forward to a week or two ago and a bunch of crap started to slowly appear in our mailbox again.  this time, we knew what it was.  we weren't sure if the bird was just scoping out real estate or if this was the beginnings of its real nest, but we just let it be.  last monday, i discovered an egg!  so, i wrote a note to the postman and by tuesday morning there were 3 eggs!

it's been a week now, and justin and i fuss over this poor bird and her eggs like mother hens.  it feels like we are being redeemed from our sad destruction last year.  she is a house wren, we're pretty sure, and she is little and precious and protective of her little eggs.  she lays on them all night and flies in and out throughout the day, probably gathering food and whatnot.  we read that the eggs take 13-15 days to hatch, so we are anxiously anticipating what we might see this weekend....

whoa.

this was a big big weekend full of developments for our little bunny.

when i got home from work on friday, emme and i were playing on the floor in her room.  the next thing i knew, she was up on all fours crawling towards me and then climbing up my body like a jungle gym.  insane.  i thought maybe it was a fluke, but sure enough, when justin got home, she did it again and again.  we were amazed!  i totally cannot believe that this itty bitty person is so mobile.  every developmental milestone absolutely boggles my mind.  humans are incredible.

as if that weren't enough, on saturday we had an insane day.  e was up early and we had engagements and appointments basically all day.  all semblance of schedules and structure went out the window, so emme had to catch winks in the car to and fro and even diaper changes were handled on the backseat.  i expected her to be completely unglued and exhausted by the time we got to erin and derek's for derek's 30th birthday bash, our final engagement of the night.  but, she held on for a while and stayed in a relatively good mood the whole time (my anticipation of her being cranky is always WAY worse than any mild crankiness she ever has).  she got to drink water out of a cup (her favorite thing) and spill it all over herself and me.  and she also demonstrated that she had figured out how to wave bye bye.  this was the first time she did it on command, essentially in response to us saying bye bye to everyone at the party.  luckily, dad was on the scene to capture the event for posterity.



finally, over the course of the weekend, justin noticed that emme was saying mama in a way that was really pretty much directed at me.  she has been saying mamamamamamama for a while now (as well as lots of other consonant noises, that chatty little thing), but i don't think i would have said she really understood that i am her mom.  but this weekend she would call me when i would leave the room and talk to me when i came back by calling me mama.  clearly one of the most rewarding feelings since becoming a parent.

the only drawback to all of this excitement is that sleeping has been nuts for a few days now.  i think she just has so many new things to practice that she just can't stand to waste her time with shut-eye.  hopefully she will remember her good sleep habits soon...

email rules.

i work in an office and live in the year 2011.  i think i probably get well over 100 emails a day.  some days are worse than others - i'm trying not to over-use hyperbole.  i like email - it's a fast (debatably), easy way to communicate with people and i'm not a phone talker.  that being said, email can suck my life and time away like nothing else.  it's pervasive: on my computer, on my phone, on my ipad.  the little ding of a new mail message coming in and i obediently pick up a device and attend to it.  and half the time it's nothing - a facebook update (kill me), a lost pet in my area, yet another coupon code for shutterfly.  the worst is when it's from someone i know or work with, and i anticipate a quality message and instead receive something completely inane - an invitation to participate in their name-the-band contest; a request to come out to one of the endlessly recurring dj gmau parties at even though i've never been to a single one; a forward about religion or politics or even puppies or the saints.  it's not that i don't care about peoples' opinions on those issues.  i do, actually, even when they differ from my own.  but i would love to read those opinions from the real person.  i would appreciate seeing pictures they have taken of cute animals.  does that make sense?  

anyway...i read blogs because i like having control over the content i am ingesting.  you can write about or post whatever inane stuff you want on a blog and people will either read it or they won't, but it's not accosting them in their email inbox, demanding their attention.  it's pull marketing - my favorite kind (in theory).  one of the blogs i read is seth godin's - he is a writer and marketer and something of a guru in the realm of idea generation and changing everything (in an awesome, constructive way).  so, seth recently re-posted a list of rules for email he wrote about 3 years ago and i thought it was great, so i'm re-posting it.  some of these don't apply to any/every bit of correspondence (especially personal as opposed to business correspondence), but they are all good to consider but i especially love #s 18, 27, 28, 29, 31, 33, and 36.

1. Is it going to just one person? (If yes, jump to #10)
2. Since it's going to a group, have I thought about who is on my list?
3. Are they blind copied?
4. Did every person on the list really and truly opt in? Not like sort of, but really ask for it?
5. So that means that if I didn't send it to them, they'd complain about not getting it?
6. See #5. If they wouldn't complain, take them off!
7. That means, for example, that sending bulk email to a list of bloggers just cause they have blogs is not okay.
8. Aside: the definition of permission marketing: Anticipated, personal and relevant messages delivered to people who actually want to get them. Nowhere does it say anything about you and your needs as a sender. Probably none of my business, but I'm just letting you know how I feel. (And how your prospects feel).
9. Is the email from a real person? If it is, will hitting reply get a note back to that person? (if not, change it please).
10. Have I corresponded with this person before?
11. Really? They've written back? (if no, reconsider email).
12. If it is a cold-call email, and I'm sure it's welcome, and I'm sure it's not spam, then don't apologize. If I need to apologize, then yes, it's spam, and I'll get the brand-hurt I deserve.
13. Am I angry? (If so, save as draft and come back to the note in one hour).
14. Could I do this note better with a phone call?
15. Am I blind-ccing my boss? If so, what will happen if the recipient finds out?
16. Is there anything in this email I don't want the attorney general, the media or my boss seeing? (If so, hit delete).
17. Is any portion of the email in all caps? (If so, consider changing it.)
18. Is it in black type at a normal size?
19. Do I have my contact info at the bottom? (If not, consider adding it).
20. Have I included the line, "Please save the planet. Don't print this email"? (If so, please delete the line and consider a job as a forest ranger or flight attendant).
21. Could this email be shorter?
22. Is there anyone copied on this email who could be left off the list?
23. Have I attached any files that are very big? (If so, google something like 'send big files' and consider your options.)
24. Have I attached any files that would work better in PDF format?
25. Are there any :-) or other emoticons involved? (If so, reconsider).
26. Am I forwarding someone else's mail? (If so, will they be happy when they find out?)
27. Am I forwarding something about religion (mine or someone else's)? (If so, delete).
28. Am I forwarding something about a virus or worldwide charity effort or other potential hoax? (If so, visit snopes and check to see if it's 'actually true).
29. Did I hit 'reply all'? If so, am I glad I did? Does every person on the list need to see it?
30. Am I quoting back the original text in a helpful way? (Sending an email that says, in its entirety, "yes," is not helpful).
31. If this email is to someone like Seth, did I check to make sure I know the difference between its and it's? Just wondering.
32. If this is a press release, am I really sure that the recipient is going to be delighted to get it? Or am I taking advantage of the asymmetrical nature of email--free to send, expensive investment of time to read or delete?
33. Are there any little animated creatures in the footer of this email? Adorable kittens? Endangered species of any kind?
34. Bonus: Is there a long legal disclaimer at the bottom of my email? Why?
35. Bonus: Does the subject line make it easy to understand what's to come and likely it will get filed properly?
36. If I had to pay 42 cents to send this email, would I?

7 months on the 7th.

my little bunny emme cakes.  yesterday, you turned 7 months old, so we are well on the downhill slope of your first year of life (outside the womb).  it was kind of sad to have this "birthday" on a tuesday, because there wasn't a whole lot of fanfare.  tuesdays are just like that, sometimes.  

i am so grateful for you, little child.  you are so healthy and vivacious and noisy and funny and stubborn and curious.  you really are the light of our lives and it is a joy to be your mother every single minute (even those middle of the night minutes when you occasionally decide it's a good idea to re-explore waking up.  i secretly relish those, too).  

some of the things you're doing and loving as we enter your eighth month:

- you are not quite crawling on all fours, but you army crawl and scoot like a mad-woman.  

- you pulled yourself up to standing by yourself in the bathtub the other day (i was right there next to you in awe), so i'm guessing we might have an early walker on our hands.  

- you have your two bottom teeth and i love them, especially since you haven't bitten me yet.  

- you're getting very good with your pincer grasp and love to feed yourself.  

- you're an adventurous eater and you refuse to drink from a sippy cup - only a regular cup for you.  i hope you retain this adventurous spirit into your toddler years and adult life.  

- in that vein, feeding you is the most fun part of the day for your mom and dad (and the dogs too, since they get the scraps...).  

- you love to look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself sloppy kisses.  

- you still don't have a specific "transition" object, but there is a bunny lovey that you're pretty fond of.  

- you are extremely verbal and LOUD.  you hardly ever cry, but you shriek and squawk and talk all the time.  it's loud, but you're always happy, so it doesn't seem to annoy people too much....ha!  

- i'm still nursing you (and pumping, of course), although it's only like twice a day during the work week.  you are so efficient and fast with nursing now.  you're also so busy all the time, you usually get distracted and want to be reading books or playing with toys while nursing - it's funny but i do miss the little tiny monkey that would get so milk drunk while nursing.  

- you're starting to show a little bit of stranger danger, but you will still happily go to someone else as long as you can see me and you're not too sleepy.  

- you're more interested in books for reading than chewing on these days, though you still like to take a little taste every now and then.  

- you absolutely love your dogs and your daddy.  when justin gets home, your whole face lights up and you will stop anything that you're doing to give him some sugar.  

- you hate being on your back.  you are happy to sit up or be on your tummy so you can motor around, but your back is only acceptable on rare occasions (like when you're really tired).  

- sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and talk and squeak for up to an hour.  i am trying not to go get you during those times so you learn to fall back to sleep on your own.  you do, which is great, but on those days you always end up sleeping at least half an hour later than your parents.  it cracks us up that you were "up late partying" so you have to catch up on your rest.  

- you are in constant motion and a constant joy to be around.  

i did a little photo shoot with you yesterday to commemorate this month and ended up taking 254 pictures.  woops!  i'm posting too many, as usual, but this was as few as i could narrow it down to...they're not as good as the ones your dad takes, but i'm sure we'll get even more this weekend...also, i shamelessly stole the idea for the mirror pics from my cousin - thanks lindsay!  

happy 7 months sweet monkey!  

what dinner looks like.

as i think i've mentioned, emme kay is in love with food.  she's also more than a wee bit independent, and i am (mostly) a believer in baby-led weaning, so....this leads to lots of messes.  this child is hilarious in her high chair.  first, she tries to climb out of it (thank goodness for those straps, eh?) if she isn't immediately preoccupied with something to eat.  if we offer her something that involves a spoon, she insists on helping to feed herself with the spoon, but she doesn't like to open her mouth wide and prefers to slide the spoon between her lips, leading to globs of pureed whatever all over her body.  if i give her cut up pieces of fruit or something to feed herself, she attacks it like a wild animal (as is evidenced by the poor strawberry below).

so the routine goes: strip baby down to just a diaper.  place food items on high chair.  allow baby to launch into full wildebeest mode.  laugh hysterically while offering assistance and encouragement.  let dogs in to scavenge food on floor.  hose down high chair (love that ikea high chair).  place filthy happy baby in bathtub immediately.  alternatively (after breakfast), bring slightly less filthy baby to changing table and wipe her down with warm wet washcloths.

picture overload (memorial day reprise).

here are about a zillion more pictures from memorial day weekend.  even though we have a ton, we still managed to not get pics of the whole group, and we also missed capturing a few other key moments of the weekend.  alas, sometimes there's too much participation in fun activities to document said activities....