away.

my baby.  this week i am in philadelphia for work, which means you are home with your daddy, flying solo.  i left before 5 tuesday morning, debating but ultimately deciding not to wake you to tell you goodbye.  these three days are the only days in your life that i have not been around to kiss your sweet face when you wake up, and tuck you in when you go to bed.  in fact, the hours i spend at work every day are the longest stretch i’ve ever gone away from you.  that just makes this separation even harder.  in any case, i will be home late on thursday night, so i’ll be there to see you first thing friday morning and i can’t wait, already. 

it’s weird.  lots of people i talk to relish time away from their children.  i don’t think this means they love their kiddos any less (of course), but it puzzles me to think that there may be a time when i will look forward to time away as well.  i’m sure it will come, as every other surprising bit of this parent/child evolution has come, in its own time.  a couple of months ago, i could not imagine you NOT being attached to my hip for all hours of the day, and already you are so independent – content to scamper off and explore your environment with me nearby, but not necessarily interfering.  anyway.  being away from you now, for this long, feels like i am missing a piece of my own flesh – which in a sense i guess i almost am?  i miss you a lot.  of course, since you’re not here, i notice every single child in your age bracket and it creates a dull ache in my heart.  we were able to video chat briefly on the first day, but you started to cry when it was time to say bye bye and i wasn’t in the room for real, so i think it may be better for both of us if we hold off….

***i wrote the paragraphs above while i was still in philly and never finished/published my post.  i just want to say that you and your dad both did an amazing job while i was gone.  i am constantly impressed, amazed, and delighted by your adaptability and your resilience.  and i am totally pleased and grateful for what an awesome daddy you have.  i can be so hyper-functional and overbearing, i forget what a good job everyone does if i stop trying to micro-manage the whole situation. 

i should also note that i got to have a nice dinner out with some co-workers at a place called barbuzzo.  it is not to be missed, for anyone who visits downtown philly.  share plates and delicious wine – here’s a pic of the goat cheese taster plate we had that nearly made me faint from delight.