29 weeks.

week: 29

baby stats: baby is a squash this week - butternut according to one site, acorn according to another.  this means over 2.5 pounds (and up to 3.8 pounds, but i don't think this bebe is that big yet), and anywhere from 15-18 inches.  craziness.  his/her brain is getting wrinkles as neurons continue to fire away.  muscles are developing and fat is being added, but this trimester is all about the brain for me.  yay, brains! 

aversions/cravings: anything and everything sweet, since i can't have it.  i feel like all i eat since this stupid gestational diabetes diagnosis is eggs. 

bump: getting bigger and less comfortable.  i woke up sunday with the fun pelvis-splitting pain i had with emme, almost to the exact day of when i noticed it with her. 

worries: really, this is a daily ebb and flow.  after my self-pitying day on thursday, i am doing a bit better.  saturday night was a night with very little sleep for me, which makes me more of a loose cannon where all these things are concerned, but i got some rest last night and am doing well today.  small smalls is moving a lot the last few days, and that is fabulous (though the nature of the movements make me think s/he is still breech). 

looking forward to: single digit weeks.  the holidays.  talking to doc and midwife next week and having some direction on the gestational diabetes.  the GIANT platter of sushi i'm going to eat in the hospital (but not from the hospital) when this kidlet is born. 

boy or girl?: boy...

missing the most: stupid sweets. 

pregnancy milestone: this isn't pregnancy related, but ek spent the weekend in underwear (big girl panties)!  only a couple of accidents, and i take responsibility for those since we were out on the town a LOT more than we should have been for the first weekend of full-on potty action.  she even took a three hour nap on saturday with no accident.  i'm really proud of her - she plowed through like a champ yesterday despite being a cranky mongrel on much less sleep than normal.  i can't believe the dream of having only one in diapers looks like it will be a reality! 

some pics from the weekend - we had a party at my boss's house on saturday evening and justin asked me to hold his beer while he brought emme to use the potty.  a co-worker took full advantage of the opportunity to snap a pic of the pregnant lady with the beer.  haha. 

doing the best you can.

i had a mini meltdown yesterday while driving home from work.  my blood sugar has been high despite my attempts at doing what i think i'm supposed to be doing.  i actually don't even know if it's that high, or if i'm doing the right things.  i am just supposed to be monitoring until my next appointment, and then we will discuss and they will make recommendations. 
anyway.  it was a combination of factors, i guess.  i hate my job these days - it is so frustrating, and each day makes me feel like i made poor decisions somewhere along the way that led to me working in an industry i don't care about that i don't think is doing anything positive to change the world.  i haven't been sleeping well - i've been having weird dreams and i'm getting to the more uncomfortable phase of pregnancy (though it's really not even that bad yet), coupled with emme being noisier than usual in the night and all our pets deciding it's appropriate to tell me how much they love me in the wee hours.  i feel all these looming deadlines and functions floating on the horizon, but i just feel paralyzed by everything i want to do, so i haven't done anything.  and then, of course, the stupid gestational diabetes.  i realize this is not a big deal in the grand scheme and i have perspective, i swear.  but with my stupid sugar levels being crazy (i hear this can also be impacted by stress - ha.), i of course read too much about everything on the internet yesterday, and started flipping out about how i may get real diabetes in a few years and i am dooming myself to having a 900 pound baby who will have shoulders too big to deliver and will struggle with obesity his/her entire life, all because my body is not responding properly to insulin. 
so.  obviously, the flip out was somewhat ridiculous and i am much better now.  i know in reality how fortunate i am and that none of the things i'm grappling with right now are impossible to contend with.  i have perspective.  it just made me realize, once again, how hard i am on myself.  how do i teach my kids to not be like this?  when i was talking to my mom about it later in the evening, she reminded me that i am doing the best i can, and that's all anyone can do.  and my immediate mental reaction to that was "am i doing the best i can?".  but i think what i really meant in my head was "am i doing the best it could be done, by anyone ever, regardless of circumstances?".  because that is how i think - in absurd absolutes.  i'm much better about this than i used to be.  it's a constant work in progress.  but it's a tough way to live - always aspiring to unachievable standards and never content with your own journey.  i'll keep trying. 

ratter.

justin is out of town until tomorrow night for work.  he doesn't travel for work very often, and for that i am grateful, especially during the last few months of pregnancy, where bending down to bathe the toddler or pick up discarded stickers becomes infinitely more daunting.  i do enjoy his infrequent absences a little bit, though, as they afford me the opportunity to take leisurely baths and read for however long i want and let etta curl up next to me in bed.  not that i can't do those things with him around, but i like talking to him too much, so i tend to favor that over retreating inward after big smalls goes to bed. 
anyway.  last night, i got ek down, cleaned the kitchen, took a nice bath, and was reading on the couch around 9:15 or so, when i heard intense dog scrambling on the deck.  i got up to see what the fuss was about, and i could tell that they had cornered something.  concerned that it was the neighbors aging cat, i tapped on the door to distract them for a second so i could get a glimpse.  what i saw was a gigantic, likely-dead rat. 
i called the pups inside (i didn't want them eating/further mutilating said rat and making themselves sick) and called my parents (justin was still at dinner).  my dad answered and offered the following suggestions:

• put the rat in three garbage bags with an entire box of baking soda.  place bag(s) of rat in freezer until trash day.
• go outside with shovel and gloves.  scoop up rat and deposit behind fence in creek area.  
• call neighbor or nearby friend to come handle situation.  

needless to say, i almost died laughing at all of these suggestions.  the first is an on-going joke in our house because my dad does not like stinky garbage (who does, really?  but c'mon.), so he is famous for bagging the odious garbage (shrimp shells, chicken carcasses, etc.) and placing it in the freezer.  while i understand the logic behind this idea (as i told dad last night), i forget about this weird smelly bag in the freezer.  so, in the grand scheme, i would much rather deal with stinky garbage for 2 days than with finding a rat carcass in my freezer in 4 months that i've completely forgotten about.   i know this is a possibility because i revisited the remains of our thanksgiving turkey in march or april of one year and it was traumatic. 
anyway.  dad's rebuttal to my carcass-in-the-freezer conundrum was that he sets an alarm on his phone calendar to remind him to remove said carcass on trash day.  i told him i was pretty sure he's the only person in the known world that uses his phone for this particular reminder.  hilarious. 
the other ideas were appreciated, but i was imagining my super pregnant, pajama-clad self sneaking through our dark backyard in the late evening to deal with this rat and the rat springing back to life and scaring me into a fall or worse.  i do not relish the idea of myself as a barefooted upside-down turtle in my own backyard, with no one nearby to help.  and, of course, i have far too much pride to call someone to help. 
so.  i did what i am pretty sure any and every other reasonably-minded person in my situation would do.  i left the rat on the deck.  went to sleep.  and dealt with him in the morning, in the light, whereby i scooped him up with a shovel and sent him to his final resting place in the creek behind our fence.  i captured a picture of him, though i'm not sure it does justice for his gargantuan size.  this sucker was nearly the length of my forearm.  and i felt bad for him, in some twisted overwhelmingly sensitive way...but this is the circle of life, right? 

28 weeks.

week: 28

baby stats: small smalls is the size of a chinese cabbage or an acorn squash.  the average bebe weighs about 2.5-3.8 lbs at this point and is 15.2-16.7 inches.  that seems really specific, but whatever.  anyway...because we had an ultrasound last friday, we know this bebe is about 2.5 lbs, measuring on track with a slightly larger head than the rest of its body (taking after its sister already!).  lungs are developing, fat is accumulating, and in general we are in hyper growth mode now.  

aversions/cravings: mexican food.  m&m's.  

bump: i haven't noticed a big size differential this week.  what i do notice are some days it looks like i am carrying at boob level and some days it looks like this baby is full on in my pelvis.  

worries: we had the 28 week ultrasound on friday afternoon at the same time as my glucose screening and other blood work.  the ultrasound was really fun, though i still think i'm not 100% crazy about that procedure.  i just feel like i'm spying on the baby and that's its personal time in there, ya know?  am i the only person who feels like this?  anyway...of course, i LOVE seeing small smalls and that s/he is fine, it just kind of feels like watching a creepy art movie to me.  SO...the good news is, kidneys look good.  still towards the upper limits of normal, but within normal range.  huge relief.  amniotic fluid looks good and everything else looks normal (big head, but i expected that).  the bebe is breech right now, which is of course no big deal at 28 weeks.  s/he had its face smashed up against the wall of my uterus, so we didn't get any really good pictures, but that is ok.  we did get to see a really cool view of him/her sticking its tongue out and gulping amniotic fluid, which was wild and really rad to watch.
yesterday, i got the call from my favorite nurse that i have gestational diabetes.  i had to do the three hour test with ek and ended up being fine, but apparently my glucose levels were so high this time that they just declared me diabetic and now i'm doing finger sticks 4 times a day.  i was really surprised, honestly, since i felt like i was so much more...in control for this pregnancy.  but, i know i gained a ton of weight with ek the last 10 weeks and i feel like this is just an opportunity to make sure i'm taking really good care of myself and the baby.  it's annoying to have one more thing to deal with/think about/plan for/monitor.  but, not bad at all considering all the scary and terrible things that my brain can conjure.  so.  i'm cutting out refined carbs and sugar (it's really just the m&m's but MAN i love those things).  trying to focus on protein intake, which is good at this point considering all the brain development happening.  

looking forward to: more ultrasounds, i guess?  since baby is breech and i have GD, i am thinking i will have several more to monitor size and position.  

boy or girl?: boy....boys are trouble, i tell ya!  (that is a joke).  

missing the most: now?  m&m's.  

pregnancy milestone: less than three months to go!

27 weeks.

week: 27

baby stats: bebe is the size of a rutabaga and weighs about the same as a head of cauliflower, they say.  14-15 inches and 2 lbs. or so.  his/her lungs are ramping up and baby's brain is showing some action. 

aversions/cravings: nothing special.  i had been fiending for some of my mom's gumbo, so when we were in lafayette over the weekend, i gladly indulged in 3 bowls.  my craving is (temporarily) satisfied....

bump: getting bigger.  in the grocery store yesterday, the woman at the register said "are you having a boy?", which i thought was funny since 2 days earlier one of mom's friends said she thought it was definitely a girl.  both referenced the size/shape/way i'm carrying as their justification of gender.  funny. 

worries: well, thursday afternoon i had some light spotting right before we were leaving town, so i ran to my doc's office to have a quick listen and set my mind at ease.  of course, the nurse who was doing the doppler couldn't find the baby's heartbeat for a few minutes, so she left the room to grab the doc or midwife.  i had a nice 10 minutes by myself at that juncture to flip out and pray and breathe.  my ob came in and was able to find the heartbeat (the first time, baby's hb was wrapped around mine, which was kind of cool to hear).  it was a nice and strong 152 bpm.  we have an ultrasound to check on kidneys, etc. on friday, so i am looking forward to that as well.  obviously, the spotting concerned me (even though it wasn't bad at all and i've read/heard/been told it's very common).  i've also had loads of braxton-hicks, so i can do a pretty good job of getting myself worked up over all this stuff.  but i think everything really is fine, and i have no reason to anticipate that this baby would come earlier than s/he should.  it was a good little lesson for me to calm down and work on my stress level.  i am going to try to give myself some respite (heading in to the busiest season of the year, no less).  i am going to try not to do too much heavy lifting - meaning i will have to reserve my cuddle time with ek to seated cuddling, but i think i can manage that. 

looking forward to: the ultrasound.  feeling more calm about everything. 

boy or girl?: boy....

missing the most: i had a really intense desire to go for a run the other day. 

pregnancy milestone: third trimester.  yay!  and also, whoa. 

pedernales falls.

when we were in vermont and denver, we did a little hiking and remembered (again) just how much we really love being outside, especially in places where temps are not 900 degrees.  we made a little pact that as soon as the weather was semi-functional, we would make an effort to get out and about with the pups and the pooter so we could enjoy all the glories of nature that central texas has to offer.

this weekend was supposed to be our first real cool snap, so justin suggested we hit the road early on saturday and hike either canyon lake or pedernales falls - two central texas gems we haven't explored yet.  we settled on the pedernales.  we planned to take off around 7:45, but since ek slept until 8:30, we ended up hitting the road around 9 or so.  apple's new maps app on my iphone gave us the WORST directions possible, so we lost about 40 minutes of travel time, but made it to the trails anyway.  the weather was overcast and grey and about 62 degrees.  awesome.

there is a 4-7 mile loop that we didn't think we were prepared for (depressing, since that used to be a good distance for us), so the park lady gave us a map and suggested we take a shortcut that was about 2 miles.  perfect, since jb was carrying ek in the bjorn and i am wicked pregnant.  well, we are clearly awesome at reading maps, so we took the turn we thought we were supposed to take and ended up wandering through woods with NO trail for a bit over an hour.  um, woops.  it was actually pretty hilarious and really fun, our little off-roading adventure.  we had many run-ins with cacti, and tromped through several fields of yellow wildflowers.  the dogs loved every minute of it - and they both have the burs in their fur and the cactus prickers in their noses/chins to prove it.  we finally made it back to the trail about 27 feet north of where we had detoured.  sigh.  we headed back to the river for some splashing before driving to the waterfalls overlook and hiking down there for a few minutes.  the whole area is really really pretty and bizarre that it's only an hour or so outside of austin.

we did experience a small loss on saturday.  emme wore her keen's on the hike (as did we), and when we were getting back in the car to drive to the overlook, i was changing her clothes/shoes since she was damp from playing in the water.  justin put her shoes on top of the car and we drove off, completely forgetting they were up there!  we discovered one in the middle of the road on the way out of the park, but never did see the other, despite about 20 minutes of searching.  bummer, but we are entering fall and the shoes were almost too small for her anyway, so we chalked it up to the cost of adventure....

26 weeks.

week: 26

baby stats: bebe is the size of a head of lettuce or an english cucumber...er, about 14 inches and 1.5-2 lbs.  s/he has eyelashes now and is taking practice breaths of amniotic fluid.  man, i love pregnancy. 

aversions/cravings: sweets this week.  definitely indulged in an orea milkshake the night of the presidential debate. 

bump: growing right along.  i am noticing all the other pregnant women in the universe and i am continually amazed by how differently-shaped everyone's bellies are.  the old wives would have you believe there are two types of bellies - the "everywhere" belly and the "basketball" belly.  i have neither of those this time, but i think most women have something else, too.  

worries: most of my stress/worries this week are around life things, not bebe things, which is good/bad, depending on how you look at it.  our dishwasher (or maybe our sink/garbage disposal?) is leaking water; our tenants need some work to be done; justin's car wouldn't start this morning; i don't know whether we should send our children to public/private school (which somehow feels like a decision i have to make SOON, even though my oldest is not yet 2 and my second has not yet been born...).  anyway.  i am practicing some deep breathing, but i am not the best at handling uncertainty.  control issues, much? 

looking forward to: halloween!  i have started slowly working on her costume and i'm really excited about it.  i think she's going to "get" trick or treating this year, so that will be a blast. 

boy or girl?: boy, still.  

missing the most: not much.  sleeping on my stomach, maybe. 

pregnancy milestone: still rocking some sweet heartburn, especially when i eat meat, which is weird. other than that, i have really been feeling great.  the headaches seem to have subsided a bit (thank goodness) and i haven't been dealing with sciatic pain or swelling or any of those other fun things that start cropping up right about now.  depending on who you ask, next week or the week after begins the third trimester.  how the heck did that happen??

some random stuff that happened back in june.

in my quest to get up to speed on project life (i'm about to wrap up may, seriously), i glanced through some pictures to see what i should print for weeks in june.  it's probably a little redundant to post stuff here and in PL, but in theory one will help me remember the other so...this is what i'm doing.

anyway...the first two pictures are from the first weekend in june.  we met up with several of emme's classmates for an afternoon playdate at the park.  the kids all recognize and know each other, but are at various levels of interactivity.  so...most of our time there was spent with ek rocking the slide.  i know, shocker.  it's weird to look at these pictures now.  i don't think of her as growing/developing as fast as she is, but this was only 4 months ago, and she wasn't even really speaking in sentences then!  now, i pick her up from school and she says "it's nice to see you, mama".  she also remembers grocery lists when i ask her to remind me what i said we needed at the store.  it blows my mind how fast it all goes.

the other set of pictures are from an after-work happy hour we did one friday in june with just the three of us.  emme was already pretty tired from the day and we went to a pretty loud/over-stimulating place called black star co-op.  we love the place - they make all their food from locally-sourced stuff and have great specials.  and the beer (which i of course could not partake in this go-round) is locally brewed and nice to sip on while watching your kiddo's antics.  but...she was not really feeling it this day.  after making our way through some grits with kale and a couple of other treats, we headed outside so she could watch the trains and climb on the big modern art sculpture.  the problem was she wanted to run into the busy street and/or climb onto really high things that she could easily fall off of.  anyway.  this was the scene of our first public tantrum.  i probably didn't handle it perfectly, but i am happy to say we've gotten a bit better since then.

more soup!

84 degrees is appropriate weather for soup.  i promise.  i had a couple of butternut squash in our produce stash from our recent CSA deliveries, so i glanced around pinterest and landed on this little delight one of my cousins had pinned.  i happened to have all the other ingredients on hand (when does that ever happen?), with the exception of the parsley.  but, i never have parsley, so i left it out.

i've been trying really hard to let emme help with making dinner as much as possible.  it keeps her distracted while i'm cooking, and makes her really excited about whatever it is we're going to eat.  anyway...the original recipe can be found here, but here's my version (a little shorter and a few modifications). 

ingredients:
- 1-2 butternut squash (i had two small ones so used both), peeled, seeded and cubed
- 1 onion, diced
- garlic, diced
- olive oil or coconut oil
- 4 cups of chicken broth
- 1-2 pounds of shredded chicken (i bought pre-shredded chicken this week, but usually i make my own and freeze the stock)
- 1 can diced tomatoes (i used ro-tel since that's what i had and it gave the soup a nice little kick, but not too spicy for emme)
- 2/3 cup of quinoa
- 1 cup (more or less to taste) of kalamata olives, chopped in to fourths
- salt, pepper, oregano, and parsley (if you want it/have it)

steam your butternut squash for about 12 minutes.  take out half the squash and set aside while steaming the rest of the squash for another 5-10 minutes (until soft enough to mash).  meanwhile, saute onions in olive or coconut oil.  add garlic and oregano once onions are translucent and stir for about a minute.  add canned tomatoes and stir.  add squash cubes and squash mash and mix everything together.  pour in chicken broth and return everything to a simmer.  add quinoa, cover, and let simmer on low for about 15 minutes.  take lid off, throw in your chicken and olives.  stir for 5-10 minutes to heat and mingle flavors.  add parsley at this time if you want to.  salt and pepper to taste.  this is a quick soup that only takes about 25-35 minutes, so it's perfect for weeknights.  i recommend serving with crusty bread...which we didn't have last night, but will definitely make next time! 

25 weeks.

week: 25

baby stats: bebe is the size of a cauliflower or a rutabaga.  not sure if that's weight, length, or bulk, but whatever.  it gives some kind of visual.  anyway...s/he is starting to put on fat and hair, two of my favorite things on babies.  ha.  improved sense of equilibrium, and baby's eyelids can open and close now.  amazing.  

aversions/cravings: this was a hungry week.  we went out for fajitas with some friends friday night, and i felt like i could probably eat 7 pounds of beef.  wondering if this means i'm anemic, but i guess we'll see soon enough (28 week appointment).  

bump: getting bigger by the minute, it seems.  this was definitely a growth spurt week, as i'm now getting the "you're due when?" comments.  i've really missed those - ha.  

worries: keeping it all at bay this week.  my worries have been much more focused on practical things like what the heck are we going to do about child care for two kiddos and where will i send my children to school and how might one fit two carseats in the back of a jetta (justin's car)??

looking forward to: fall/winter snuggly baby time with both my littles.  wow.  

boy or girl?: boy, still.  

missing the most: not feeling too restricted this week.  i think the fajitas helped.  

pregnancy milestone: nothing really new.  heartburn is still full throttle.  leg cramps are a pain.  i accidentally kicked pippa during a particulary fun leg cramp the other night and she attacked my foot/ankle.  i've also been having terrible dreams lately, but not sure if that's a pregnancy thing or what.  OH - my friend wendy just gave me a zillion maternity clothes that are amazing.  i don't think that really qualifies as a milestone, but it's the greatest thing ever to have clothes to wear!  i hate shopping, so i've been just skating by on random stuff, but now i have a proper maternity wardrobe (that might actually be nicer than my normal wardrobe...).  

what's different this time: it's still just soooo fast.  like a blur.  here is a picture of emme and my dad being silly when my folks were here a couple of weekends ago.  i love this.