doing the best you can.

i had a mini meltdown yesterday while driving home from work.  my blood sugar has been high despite my attempts at doing what i think i'm supposed to be doing.  i actually don't even know if it's that high, or if i'm doing the right things.  i am just supposed to be monitoring until my next appointment, and then we will discuss and they will make recommendations. 
anyway.  it was a combination of factors, i guess.  i hate my job these days - it is so frustrating, and each day makes me feel like i made poor decisions somewhere along the way that led to me working in an industry i don't care about that i don't think is doing anything positive to change the world.  i haven't been sleeping well - i've been having weird dreams and i'm getting to the more uncomfortable phase of pregnancy (though it's really not even that bad yet), coupled with emme being noisier than usual in the night and all our pets deciding it's appropriate to tell me how much they love me in the wee hours.  i feel all these looming deadlines and functions floating on the horizon, but i just feel paralyzed by everything i want to do, so i haven't done anything.  and then, of course, the stupid gestational diabetes.  i realize this is not a big deal in the grand scheme and i have perspective, i swear.  but with my stupid sugar levels being crazy (i hear this can also be impacted by stress - ha.), i of course read too much about everything on the internet yesterday, and started flipping out about how i may get real diabetes in a few years and i am dooming myself to having a 900 pound baby who will have shoulders too big to deliver and will struggle with obesity his/her entire life, all because my body is not responding properly to insulin. 
so.  obviously, the flip out was somewhat ridiculous and i am much better now.  i know in reality how fortunate i am and that none of the things i'm grappling with right now are impossible to contend with.  i have perspective.  it just made me realize, once again, how hard i am on myself.  how do i teach my kids to not be like this?  when i was talking to my mom about it later in the evening, she reminded me that i am doing the best i can, and that's all anyone can do.  and my immediate mental reaction to that was "am i doing the best i can?".  but i think what i really meant in my head was "am i doing the best it could be done, by anyone ever, regardless of circumstances?".  because that is how i think - in absurd absolutes.  i'm much better about this than i used to be.  it's a constant work in progress.  but it's a tough way to live - always aspiring to unachievable standards and never content with your own journey.  i'll keep trying.