the last day.

dear emme,

tomorrow morning, i head back to work without you.  we have worked out child care so a really sweet woman named liga will be coming to the house to take care of you.  she is from latvia and she calls you "my friend" and you smile a lot at her.  next week, your buddy vincent from yoga will also join you and liga here on mondays, tuesdays, and wednesdays, and i think that will be loads of fun.  i feel much better knowing that you will be in your house surrounded by familiar things.

i know that you will be just fine.  and even though i feel like my heart is being wrenched out of my body, i know that i will be just fine too.

i don't know if there will ever be a way i can adequately explain to you what the past twelve weeks have meant to me.  every day, you have brought me more joy than i thought it was possible to experience.  even though i will be at work, i know this joy will continue....it just won't be the concentrated joy brought by the pair of us together all day, every day.  i have loved changing your every diaper, seeing you wake from every nap, feeding you every single meal.  i have loved watching you learn and discover new things, reading you books, and being completely in tune with your every smile, grimace, need, and want.  i know that we will still have all of these things.  of course we will.  it will just be different.

you are infinitely more amazing than i ever dared to dream my child could be.  thank you so much for sharing in this time with me and giving me the best 12 weeks of my life.  things are changing now, but i know you will teach me to accept our new situation with grace.  our time apart will make our time together that much more special.  it will be hard for me, leaving my heart at home while i re-assimilate to the professional world, but i know you will take good care of it.

i love you my little bunny.