or is it in the saddle? i never remember. in either case, i am working out again, as of monday. i meant to start last week (woops), but i kept forgetting my gym clothes, so this is the week. gabby is my little personal trainer/accountability buddy. she does all the hard work like planning our workouts and pestering me to meet her at the gym and encouraging me not to eat 17 loaves of bread. i mostly just whine about how much i hate working out because i am ridiculously out of shape. i also randomly burst into fits of laughter because of how silly we look doing all this plyometric stuff. in any case, i am so sore right now i can barely move. when i pick up emme (ouch), it feels like she's gained about 12 pounds. it's discouraging to feel how hard all of this stuff is, especially knowing that i was in decent shape at one point (never great shape, but i can say decent...). oh well...i will get there again, right?
the hardest part of exercising right now is my easy lapse into negative self-talk. i know i need to stop that (for a number of reasons), but it's so much easier (and occasionally hilarious) to be self deprecating for some reason. i am clearly not a person that was back in her pre-pregnancy jeans 2 weeks after giving birth. it would be easy to say those people are freaks of nature, but i know they're not. i'm friends with/related to tons and tons and tons of them. of course, you can always find people to compare yourself to if you're looking for them. i've struggled with my weight pretty much since i became aware of my weight (sometime in mid-high school i think?). i've been on a 10-50 pound yo yo since freshman year of college. i certainly can't really remember ever feeling comfortable and secure in my own body. when i ran the marathon is the closest i came, but i would have still told you i wasn't satisfied, even then (almost 30 pounds smaller than i am now).
but now i am realizing that i need to curb the judgment and self analysis for more than just myself. i don't want emme to see her mom being so critical of her own body, knowing that it will teach her better than anything i can tell her to internalize that criticism of herself. i want her to respect her body and love it for its remarkable form and its ability to perform so many amazing functions (the irony of its greatest function, housing a baby, being that which has brought out its greatest criticisms from me has not escaped me). being a girl is really hard for so many reasons. i need to be an example of the kind of woman i want my daughter to be - one who knows how to work hard and take care of herself.
This is seriously cute- "i need to be an example of the kind of woman i want my daughter to be - one who knows how to work hard and take care of herself."
ReplyDeleteI'm so looking forward to tomorrow! :) And um, Lol to your tag!
It's really hard to get back into it. My gym membership has been sitting stagnant for over a year now. I did a P90x workout with patrick the other day. I made it to the half way point, then fell asleep on the couch while he finished. He's lost 15 pounds so he's a great motivator, but I just have to find that motivation within me. Great point about being an example. Maybe that can be my motivation, too.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with you about not wanting our daughters to learn to be judgmental or critical of themselves. I recently read an article where a high percentage of 5 year old girls (can't remember the exact number) were already worried about their weight. Seriously??!!! That is awful. I have made it a conscious effort too never to say any comments about my figure in front of Elizabeth. It is easy sometimes to complain about all the stomach flab from pregnancies, etc etc but I don't want her to hear any of that.
ReplyDeleteHopefully I can teach my girls to be confident with who they are and as long as they are healthy and taking care of their bodies, it doesn't matter what size they are. I have no idea how to teach that confidence but I am trying!