edie at 6 months.

somehow my little caboose is six months old now. as much as i absolutely adore this age, time is moving entirely too fast for my liking. it's been fast for each kid, of course, but it feels even more non-stop this time, i guess because the other two are so big and busy these days.

anyway. we went to the doctor last monday and her stats were:
height: 26"
weight: 16lbs. 3oz.
head: 45cm

so she's my littlest baby at this current juncture. had i realized this, i probably would have asked the doctor if her growth curve is ok, but she seems super happy and healthy, so i'm going to try to just be cool with it...

what else? edie is rolling - loves getting on to her tummy from her back, but is more hesitant to roll back over (even though she's fully capable). the sitting is getting stronger. she's capable of sitting in tripod for a bit, but is often too wiggly to stay there for long. miss jeanie and i try putting her in her high chair for 10 minutes at a time or so and she's getting better about tolerating that.

we introduced her first food (avocado!) on february 3rd. i think she liked it? it's so hard to tell at this age. since then, she's had banana, coconut, grapes, carrots, and a bite of red lentil soup that i made. i love feeding infants - it's such a fun phase. so far i don't think she's wild about anything, but she doesn't really hate anything yet either. she goes for food with gusto, but once it's actually in her mouth, she can get kind of mad about it. ha.

anyway. sleep is all over the place. i blame myself. i'm so exhausted these days, mentally and physically, that i just haven't mustered up the energy to sleep train her. i need to get on that, but it may have to wait until mid-march when jb and the bigs are away. i don't want to do cry it out, but i know some degree of crying will be involved and it's just super hard to do that when there are other people around (and it's just generally so upsetting to see her upset). i'll get there, just...probably not today.

miss jeanie continues to be a total blessing. i can't even imagine what i would be like if i didn't have her helping me hold it all together at the house.

i'm sure there are other things, but i'm at work and i'm tired (sensing a theme here). i absolutely adore this baby, though. she is magic. her wiggles and her boisterous personality light up my whole life these days. i'm very lucky to have these precious mongrels, all three of them.

edie is almost four months old.

my poor third child. so much has happened in the past almost 3 months and i have not documented a thing. i'm so sorry. the good news is, it has nothing to do with the amount you're loved and doted on. in fact, i would argue that we spend the majority of our time being in love and that leaves little other time for things like writing about your days.

but, for posterity, i will try to capture some things.

you are laughing, which started a few weeks ago (november 5, actually). you're still figuring it out, but holy geez it is some cute business. you love it when i growl and kiss your neck or your belly and it makes you do this little giggle squeak that is really just too much.

you are cooing and growling up a storm. you squeal and talk a lot, especially when we're looking at you on your blanket on the floor or on your changing table. you looooove being on your changing table, naked preferably. you dig your little heels in and try to launch yourself around and you generally just talk and smile and kick like a madman.

your sleep is not ideal these days, but that's ok. truthfully, my going back to work has been a big and difficult transition for both of us. you love miss jeanie (your nanny), but you don't love taking a bottle, which leads to napping trouble, which leads to cranky times...you get the idea. it's a feedback loop. but we will get there! i've been swaddling you since the day you were born and i think you're about over that, so we are just going to figure out how to ride through this time and it will all work out! i did buy you a new thing called a zipadee zip that promises to be the answer to all things sleep, so we shall see. i'm told there's also a sleep regression around 4 months, so maybe that's also part of this whole thing? who knows. sleep is a weird, elusive thing, but both your siblings learned how to sleep and (mostly) love it, and i believe you will too. also, you're so freaking beautiful when you're sleeping (all the time, really) that i know you will begin to embrace it.

what else? your eyes are still crossed, but i think the patching is helping. you have an ophthalmologist appointment on thursday, so we will see what the doc says. you love nursing and aren't a huge fan of the bottle, but i know you and miss jeanie will overcome that soon. you're a huge fan of being held and talked to - as long as someone is making eye contact and having a conversation with you, you're a happy camper. you looooove your mama, which makes me beyond happy, but you also really love your siblings and your daddy a lot too, as it should be.

we all just adore you, little wiggles. we are so happy you're part of our family. 

edie's first few days - pics.

edith hesterly browne.

telling the story of how a new human joins the world is overwhelming. we welcomed our sweet edie on friday, august 4, 2017 at 8:37 pm. but let me back up.

on tuesday, the 1st, i went to the doctor for my 38 week appointment. at the previous week's appointment, i was still measuring ahead a little bit, and they did an ultrasound that showed a ~7lb-ish baby and a lot of amniotic fluid. they said we'd measure again the next week. so we did another ultrasound and the fluid was still high. we also did another NST and she did fine but took longer to "pass" than she had the following week. when i got in to see the provider, she started talking about gestational diabetes and recommended an induction that night.

based on my experience with hollis's induction, i knew i had to push back a little bit. i used the excuse of my birthday on the 2nd to see how much of an "emergency" it was to get her out. the provider said we could wait, but only until thursday. hmmm. i asked for the weekend and she said no and that i needed to monitor my blood sugar (it never spiked and was totally fine through delivery).

my birthday was a great day. i got a prenatal massage while mandy and nicole watched the big kids. all three of us took a nap. justin and i got some yummy takeout for dinner. i got lots of calls and texts and sweet emails from family and friends. it was low-key, but turning 36 and being 38 weeks pregnant, i figured it would be anyway.

the afternoon of my birthday, jillian took me to get a pedicure and the ob's office called to tell me my induction was scheduled thursday night at 9pm. whew. thursday arrived and justin was able to stay home from work, thankfully. i went to another doctor's appointment where they confirmed the call to induce. i was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced, so i was hoping to make a little progress over the course of the day. i got home and went wild cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, etc. i was not thrilled about being induced, but i also felt like i had no choice. i could write a whole post on medical care and the fear mongering that happens during such a sensitive and emotional time, but that's a different story.

anyway. we ate dinner and bathed the kids and got them to bed with promises that daddy would be there to get them in the morning, ready to meet their baby sister. jb and i sat on the couch to watch some tv and pass the time waiting to head to the hospital. right as our neighbor was getting to our house to pull the overnight shift, the hospital called; they said they were super busy and to call back at 10. ummm, what? so we sent faye home and went for a walk. i was having tons of anxiety - at this point, i hadn't slept since the previous night and i was nervous about not even getting to the hospital until almost midnight and then trying to get things going. but that's what we attempted to do.

faye came back over at 9:40 and we headed to the hospital. we walked up to the check-in area in L&D at 10 and proceeded to get fussed at by the intake nurse. she was like "you were supposed to CALL at 10, not just show up!". i was pretty upset. i mean, either it is medically necessary to induce me or it's not, right? anyway. they stuck us in the waiting room. we sat there for about 20 minutes and justin was like...we just need to go home. so he went and talked to them and they said to show up again between 7 and 8 friday morning. we turned around and drove back home - the best decision ever.

i didn't sleep a ton thursday night (of course), but definitely got more rest than i would have at the hospital. the kids were mega confused in the morning (hollis: "where's my baby sister?"), but we had a chance to explain the situation to them quickly and then head BACK to the hospital with them safely in faye's hands. they had a great day with faye and her kids, nanny mandy and her kids, and then kk and jj when they got into town.

at the hospital, they stuck us in the waiting room AGAIN, but only for a little bit. then they pulled us into a room and we began the longest slowest process ever. it was nearly 11am before i even saw the midwife. it was kathy and she was not super friendly or excited to be working with us, it seemed. she checked me and i was still only 3cm and she said i was not effaced at all. super demoralizing. but they started the pitocin and we were off. side note: kathy was unclear as to why we were inducing, which was super upsetting, but i couldn't focus on that because we were there and two of the other providers had said it needed to happen. still frustrating, though.

the pitocin was ok. i spent a lot of energy getting to a mental place where i thought i could handle being on that stuff again, and i think i really did pretty well. the contractions cranked up regularly, but they were really manageable. around 3 or 3:30, kathy came back in to check me again. she offered to not because she didn't want me to be discouraged, but i really wanted information. sadly, i was still at 3cm, but soft and thinning, maybe 50% she said. ugh. she said baby's head was still high and floating, so because she wasn't engaged, i wasn't dilating. because of the excess amniotic fluid, breaking my water was not an option because of the risk of a chord prolapse. but because of the excess fluid, there wasn't anything to help her descend. frustrating to say the least.

the other thing that happened around this time (i think) is that kathy said there was "something else" near the baby's head. ummm, what? as jb said...this is something you don't say to a woman in labor. she speculated the baby may have flipped to breech, so she got an ultrasound machine. thankfully, she was still head down, and kathy thought it was maybe just an arm in front of her head or something. in any case, this was additional discouraging information, as i knew it would be even harder for her head to engage if she had her arm in front of her face.

at this point, i sought the wisdom of the internet because i didn't feel like i was really getting suggestions from anywhere else. spinning babies suggested a move called the lift & tuck to help baby's head descend and engage. it consisted of standing and lifting my belly about 2 inches at the start of each contraction, then tilting my hips forward through the contraction. they said to do this for 10 contractions in a row, so i did. i don't know if this is what did it (by this point, the pit was up to 11), but by the end of that, the contractions were brutal and i was having some intense back labor and having to moan through each contraction. the contractions were also coming super frequently - like each minute - and felt like they were lasting an eternity. i also felt a trickle at whatever point and realized my water had started leaking, which i felt like was great but also made the contractions even worse.

around 6 or so was the end of kathy's shift and these mega contractions had been going on for over an hour. the leak had started right after 5pm, so i was hoping this had kicked some things into gear. kathy came in one last time and checked me and i was 4cm. kill me. i started getting super demoralized at that point, trying to calculate how much longer i could deal with contractions this close and this intense to get all the way to 10cm. yeesh.

a little later (time ceases to exist for me at this point), danielle, the new midwife on call, came in. she was amazing and i liked her immediately. she said i was maybe 4.5cm and i said i may want the epidural. i immediately began apologizing and she was like "you have absolutely nothing to prove". justin also reminded me that i was super codependent to be in the state i was in and apologizing to other people for wanting the epidural. ha.

the epidural gets ordered and what followed was the longest hour of my life. they pumped all the fluids in and i continued to have insane contractions every 20 seconds. finally FINALLY the anesthesiologist shows up and he's fast and all business. i was scared and also still having psychotic contractions, so that was all a bit intense, but he got it done. the relief was pretty much immediate and i could not believe it. i looked at justin and told him i could cry from how happy i was to have that relief. seriously amazing.

i chilled in the bed for maybe 30 minutes, relishing the difference between what had been going on and what was happening post-epidural. i could still move my feet and feel that contractions were happening, but it was like it was happening through a shield. at about this time, i told our nurse mandy that i was feeling pressure and may be ready to push soon. she got danielle a few minutes later.

when danielle checked, she said i was 9.5 cm and she could manually take me to 10 if i wanted. i said absolutely, let's do this. they got my legs up in the stirrups and jb held my right leg while mandy counted and danielle talked me through it all. pushing was very natural and we went through about 3 rounds of counting to 10 and her head was out. danielle delivered her shoulders and then told me i could grab her and pull her onto me, so i did. it was absolutely incredible. she cried for a couple of seconds and then calmed right down and i just rubbed her and looked at her while we let the cord pulse. justin cut the cord when it was done and we got to get a better look at her. she had a decent amount of vernix, and my immediate reaction was that she was way smaller than emme or hollis (they were both 7lbs 14oz). i guess you forget how tiny babies really are because when they weighed her a few minutes later, she was 8lbs 5oz, 21.25 inches. holy cow! her apgars were 8 and 9 and she was gloriously pink.

so that's it. 8:37pm after the longest day ever. i will never again talk about how short/fast my labors are. ha. it was rough but so unbelievably worth it. she is perfection and we are completely in love.

hi there 2017.

a lot has been going on. i mean, clearly in 6ish months some things are bound to happen. writing has not been one of those things, but i do miss the exercise of chronicling our lives and whatnot, so i am going to attempt to catch back up and re-commit to this little corner of the interwebs.

i lost my job in november. it was a routine layoff, part of the divestiture of my company away from dell. they laid off something like 1/3 of the employees, so i guess i was in good company. it still sucked. i think i have made it through all the stages of grief with that whole thing - probably not in order, but i am working on it. anyway. i've run the gamut of emotions from relief to devastation to complacency to self-doubt (times a million) to anger to...well, you get the idea. i thought i would jump right back into the workforce without really having to try, but that hasn't been the case.

shortly after getting laid off, i found out i was pregnant. again. after four losses in 2016. so, needless to say, there was a lot of mental and emotional stuff there. i had switched doctors after my fourth miscarriage because i felt like my former practice (that i loved) was not taking my situation seriously at all and i knew i could not abide another loss. i had some tests run in september and everything looked fine, thankfully. my new doctor prescribed progesterone for when/if i became pregnant again. she recommended taking it beginning with a positive pregnancy test along with a baby aspirin. so i did. and it worked. and now here i am, 23 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl. it feels like a miracle, though i guess life is always a miracle, right?

anyway. between those two major events/shifts happening concurrently, public discussion of what's going on (i.e. blogging) hasn't seemed ideal. i felt pretty terrible and also quite terrified for the bulk of the first trimester. and then i was trying to get hired somewhere asap before i started showing in the second trimester. and now...well, now i am trying to get hired in the mid-late second trimester while sporting a sweet belly. the universe works in mysterious ways.

i have had some amazing support and solidarity (justin, many of the friends who've been "in the know", my family), and some disappointingly, very upsettingly unsupportive encounters. i waffle between the intense desire to explain myself (i know how babies are made; yes, this was planned - maybe not the timing, but the baby for sure; the layoff wasn't expected; i really do like/need to work and taking a year off BEFORE a baby is born is not ideal; how would you feel in my situation; etc.) and the very real feeling that it's nobody's business. i guess pregnancy is normally filled with all the feelings, and this one is no exception, even if the feelings are different/bigger than i would have anticipated.

so those are the big things. beyond that, we had some incredible holidays, hollis turned four, emme has rocked her kindergarten year, and we are generally extremely happy and healthy and thankful for everything that's going on in this sweet little life of ours. i'll back date some pictures and other updates soon.

and then there were four.

where does one even begin when telling the story of how another person enters the world?  of course there are the gritty details - the ins and outs that close friends and people with a particular fascination about such things (like me) - to divulge.  but the real part...the part that involves adding a new soul to your little circle of family on earth...that is really indescribable.  

at 12:35 a.m. friday, january 4, our son hollis taylor arrived pink and screaming.  birth story, gritty details included, is below.  he weighed 7 lbs. 14 oz. and was 20.5 inches long.  the consensus so far is that he looks remarkably like his daddy, though comparison pics with his sister are pretty close too.  he is very laid back and sweet so far - nursing like a champion, sleeping a lot, making all those newborn faces and sounds that could just split your heart in a million pieces.  he hates having his diaper changed, but other than that he is a really happy boy.  loves the swaddle.  loves to lie on whomever is available.  growing stronger and more alert each day.  

in the hospital, the nurses and pediatricians could still detect his heart arrhythmia.  we were hopeful it would disappear immediately, but it did not.  we were evaluated by a cardiologist on friday evening and, though he could hear it, he did not seem overly concerned.  we will see him again next week for a repeat EKG and consult.  when we saw the pediatrician sunday morning, he could not hear the arrhythmia at all, so that is really positive news.  i know what signs to look for for sustained tachycardia, and so far so good, so we're just praying he keeps up the good work and we're in the clear with all this.  

big sister emme kay is astounding us all with how amazingly she is adapting.  i know this isn't the easiest thing she's ever had to come to terms with, and she is being so mature and sweet.  it has really really helped to have my parents in town to distract her and offer her lots of attention.  i am trying my best to talk to her about everything i'm doing (nursing is particularly fascinating, as you might imagine), and to take advantage of extra hands to put my boy down when possible so i can give her some one on one time.  i'm so so so thankful that she has school to keep her schedule somewhat steady and that she loves it so much and is so excited to go.  man, i love that girl.  

so, without further ado, here are a boat load of pics from the first 100 hours of hollis's life.  all from my iphone.  i'm a little slow on the downloads and technology stuff as i'm kind of distracted these days.  

birth story:

i know not everyone is super interested in this stuff, so feel free to skip.  i was nervous about being induced, but hopeful (if not confident) that my body would take over early on in the process and we would have a baby in short order.  my parents arrived in town around 6 on thursday night.  we got emme fed, bathed, and down for the night which made me so happy - i loved being able to give her one last night of a semi-normal routine before her little world was rocked.  at around 7:15, mom, justin, and i headed to the hospital.  i had had my membranes swept for the second time that morning and had had contractions off and on during the day, but nothing timeable or super exciting.  we got checked in and brought to our room.  we had two nurses - lauren and malea - who were both excellent.  shawntai, my doula, arrived in short order and we all sat around while we monitored the baby for a little while to make sure its heartbeat was reactive and could handle the pitocin.  dr. campaigne came in a few times and there was lots of joking and fun.  we started the pitocin drip (low dose) at around 9 pm i think - i was at about 5 cm, 80%, and -1 station.  for about an hour or hour and a half, everything was fine.  i could talk and laugh and then every once in a while i would breathe through a contraction and things were going great.  we upped the pitocin and dr. c broke my water around 10 or so and that is when things started to get real.  the contractions on pit were much harder than those i had for emme.  emme's never stopped, which was brutal to deal with (i don't think they were less than 30 seconds apart for the better part of my labor), but these were intense and wicked painful.  the saving grace was that they were 2-3 minutes apart so i did have some respite.  i was feeling a lot of pressure, so dr. c turned the pit off, hoping that my body could just take it from there, but i could feel the effect (or lack thereof) almost immediately.  it was super frustrating to feel the labor literally turning itself off, and i told everyone we needed to put it back on to keep the party going (even though i was already a little bit not in love with the pitocin).  the next two hours were pretty brutal for me.  it got way quiet and way hard.  i got in the shower with justin for a while, which really helped, but i had to try to stay on the monitor for the baby (because of the pitocin) and the machines weren't working well.  it was soooo hard to try to stay in one place and to have the pressure of those monitors on my belly and everyone feeling around, trying to get baby's heartbeat.
anyway.  dr. campaigne came it at some point and i told her i was feeling pressure and she asked if i wanted to be checked.  i am pretty sure i got a little whiny at this point - i was tired and really hurting and i remember i just kept saying "i just want it out of me - i need to push it OUT".  she checked me and i was at 7cm but baby was low and i was fully effaced.  i was furious that i was only at 7.  ha.  this is when i hit my lowest point.  i kept looking at justin and at dr. campaigne and saying i think i need the drugs, can i please just have an epidural?  it really just hurt SO badly and i was so demoralized to think it could go on for many more hours.  dr. c and i are close, though, and she looked me right in the eyes and told me she was going to help me do it.  i could tell she was gauging to see how serious i was about the drugs.  i could also see that a) i would not be able to get an epidural before i had to deal with the next horrible contraction and b) my birth team was not going to let me give up that easily (bless their hearts).  campaigne had me push through a few contractions up on hands and knees, bearing down.  that was unbelievably hard, but also really productive.  in my head, i remember trying to command my body to just let it happen.  i needed it to be fast and i was determined.  in the span of about 10 minutes or so (i think - i really have no concept of time at this point, but i know it wasn't too long), i went from 7 cm to 9 cm.  campaigne manually took me to 10 - brutal, but SO worth it and mentally really helpful to know that someone could help encourage my body along.  anyway.  as soon as she said i was there, i pushed once and out came hollis's head.  twice, and the rest of his body was out.  i seriously cannot believe how fast it all went down - i didn't even need a stitch!  i also cannot even describe how immediately i felt a bazillion times better.  it's the biggest relief of all time ever.  he was furious and they put him on my chest and we were covering him with blankets to keep his body temperature up.  he was still covered with a decent amount of vernix.  justin managed to get a peek under the blankets and he looked at me and said "mommy, we have a boy!".  he scored 9 and 9 on his apgar and we let his cord finish pulsing (mostly - i was ready to deliver the placenta, so we may have preempted it by a minute or two).  i got to keep him on me for a good while before they took him over for weights and measures.
so i guess that's it!  the rest was pretty standard, except we were really lucky that they indulged us in many things.  they did his exam in room with us, delayed his bath for about 8 or 9 hours, and even let me hold him while they did foot printing, etc.  he had swallowed a ton of fluid, so watching them stick a tube down his throat to suck it out was not fun, but it helped him nurse SO much better.
and there you have it.  my second natural birth.  hard and intense and incredible.  i am so thankful for everyone that was there.  and i am completely in love with this little boy.

arrhythmias and inductions.

it has been a whirlwind last couple of days where this pregnancy/baby are concerned.  we had our 39 week appointment yesterday (wednesday) morning, even though it was technically 38 weeks, 4 days.  i try not to get too hung up on exact due dates, but that is hard when you spend 9-10 months with the date january 12 looming in front of you. 

anyway.  appointment was routine and good.  my belly measured 40 weeks.  liane offered to strip my membranes (justin will surely give me grief for over-sharing again), i declined.  i've been having some fun contractions in the evenings, but nothing too crazy and nothing timeable yet.  we got out the doppler to listen to bebe for a minute, and liane noticed something a little off.  as we listened, justin and i could hear it too - an arrhythmia.  this is the point where i am exceedingly thankful for how calm and wonderful my practitioners are.  liane explained that it is likely nothing - they see arrhythmias very frequently and it always ends up being just fine on the outside.  but, she checked with dr. c to discuss what we should do - an NST or an ultrasound.  doc recommended a trip to the fetal u/s specialist, dr. darby, so we headed to his office and luckily they were able to get us in right away. 

the short story is, skipper looks great.  i have a good amount of fluid, s/he is head down, all things are go for launch.  also, baby's heart looks perfect, structurally.  but, s/he definitely has a supra-ventricular tachycardia.  which basically just means that sometimes, his atrium gets over-zealous and gives an extra beat.  then, the ventricles try to either catch up by beating hella fast, or they skip a beat.  the super fast beating is where the concern comes in - baby's heartbeat can rocket up to 250 or so for that one beat.  which means there is less great blood flow, but more importantly, it just makes the kiddo super tired.  so.  dr. darby said he would call my doc, but that if i didn't have the baby by friday, he'd like to see me again on friday just to look again. 

i can't really explain why this information has not flipped me out more than it has.  of course, i am concerned (as all parents are with any news about their children).  but i really believe and feel like this is totally fine.  liane called me shortly after she and campaigne talked to dr. darby and i went and got my membranes stripped.  we talked about various courses of action.  no one is in an extreme hurry, but we all feel like it's time to welcome baby to the outside...or at least, give him/her some strong nudges in that direction. 

so, last night we hung out.  had a nice dinner.  took a nice bath.  got some on-again, off-again sleep.  this morning, i headed back to the office to see dr. campaigne and discuss.  though she is not worried enough to expedite this process more aggressively, she did suggest i head to the hospital tonight after emme goes down and my parents get to town.  she stripped my membranes again, so it's possible/likely things will start moving forward on their own over the course of the day.  but, if they don't, we will do a little dose of pitocin for an hour or two at the hospital, then break my water to get the party started. 

i am comfortable with this plan.  those who know me well know how non-interventionist i am with these things, but i totally believe my body and this baby are ready.  i also believe that minimizing stress on me and the bebe are in everyone's best interests, and this seems like a good, not super-invasive way to do things.  i like spontaneity, but this is a decent compromise.  i mean, hey, i didn't know i was being induced until this morning! 

anyway...if all goes according to plan, we should have another baby in the next 24 hours.  wow.  please keep us in your prayers for an easy, unmedicated birth and for all good things with little skip's heart. 

38 weeks.

week: 38

baby stats: well, the baby is the size of a baby now.  the length of a leek, size of a pumpkin.  weight and length at this point are averages, so assuming this baby is about the same size as emme at this point, s/he is probably around 7 pounds now.  i can't wait to see him/her.  

aversions/cravings: still coasting on my christmas free day.  my heartburn is in full effect, so nothing is super satisfying when you re-visit it for hours on end.

bump: out there.  tried on my belly cast from last pregnancy again, though, and i can still fit an arm or two in there compared to where i am now.  pretty sure that extra room was not baby.  ha.  and this belly is still plenty big.  

worries: my head is in a decent place.  of course i have a lot of anticipation/nervousness.  stuff like wanting to make sure ek is a-ok when i go into labor.  stuff like worrying that my labor will be so crazy fast that i'll have a baby in the car.  stuff like wanting to accommodate schedules of who's attending the birth and who's helping out at home (including but not limited to: my parents, alison, my doula, justin, etc.).  but all of that is just logistics, and i am mostly just trying to harness my chi about the whole ordeal.  

boy or girl?: i'm still calling boy.  

missing the most: sleep.  normal sinuses.  

pregnancy milestone: lots this week.  i got checked at my 38 week appointment on friday and i'm 2-3 cm and 80% effaced.  is that too much info to share on a blog?  anyway...i didn't get checked until 40 weeks with ek, and i was nowhere with her and she was born less than 48 hours later, so i am not really placing any stock in this bit of information.  still, it's interesting/somewhat exciting for me.  i also have been losing my mucus plug (worst name for any activity your body performs ever) today, so that is also exciting.  again...doesn't mean anything until it does, but all signs point to things starting to progress, albeit slowly.
anyway.  we packed our bags on friday night and cleaned out cars and installed the car seat base this weekend.  all clothes and bedding are clean.  i picked up a bassinet from wendy and it's ready to go (well, it has my birthing ball in it right now, but other than that it is ready).  so.  the checklist is complete, really.  i'm on top of laundry, the house is reasonably clean, all christmas decorations are put away.  all we need is a few more days (i think it would be nice to resume a routine for ek, which happens on wednesday.  i also like the idea of 39 weeks.) and a baby....

37 weeks.

week: 37

baby stats: i love reading things like "babies born between this point and 42 weeks are considered full term".  yay!  our baby is the size of a winter melon this week, whatever that means.  s/he averages 6.13 lbs. and 19 inches.  both my midwife and chiropractor think this baby is an average size at this point, so things appear to be in a good place.  i don't feel like i'm going in to labor any time in the super near future, but really who knows?  the countdown is on.  

aversions/cravings: i got a free pass from my doc for christmas day and i totally lived it up.  i ate 2 cookies and a whole lot of other carbs that were amazing.  i feel like i can make it through the home stretch.

bump: getting bigger by the minute, it seems.  the lady at the door for christmas mass said "looks like you're going to be getting a christmas gift pretty soon".  yes ma'am.  also, when i am still for a few minutes, it looks like aliens are wrestling in my belly.  love it.  

worries: i am starting to anticipate labor (finally).  i'm trying to relax my mind and body and accept that it will be what it will be, but i do have the whole pressure of my awesome first birth experience to "live up to".  i know this one will be different and awesome in its own way, but i just hope i can do it all again.  i also am super excited/anxious about breastfeeding again.  i just hope i have the ease i had with emme this time too.  

boy or girl?: still having a hard time thinking that it could be a girl, but mostly i'm just curious to see him/her.  

missing the most: still sleep.  some nights are ok, but the hip/pelvic pain are hard core and my mind is busy busy.  

pregnancy milestone: i have the list of stuff to pack for the hospital (haven't actually packed it yet, but i think that will happen today....).  i also have the infant car seat out and just need to install it.  i did my pre-registration paperwork online for the hospital.  slowly slowly checking items off the list....

predictions.

my co-workers (the ones that sit in my little 4-cube area with me who are my favorite people at my company) have begun predicting the outcome of this pregnancy.  for posterity, i'm recording it here.  if you read this blog (do people read this blog?), feel free to add a comment and i will add your prediction here.  the most accurate predictor may win something, when and if i get it together to create things again.  wendy was almost 100% right on her emme prediction, so i'm anxious to hear what she says - i think she was 3 oz. off but got date and gender correct.  i don't think i'm quite ready to make a prediction yet.  let me cross a few more things off my to do list then i will add my thoughts.  whee!

david: boy; january 5.  no weight/length prediction because "those are just details".

jen: boy; january 8, 9 a.m.  8 lbs. 3 oz.; 21.5 inches.

kay: boy; january 13, 1:44 p.m. 8 lbs. 1 oz.; 21 inches.

emma: girl; january 4, 11 a.m. 7 lbs. 9 oz.; 20.5 inches.

wendy: boy; january 11; 7 lbs. 14 oz.; 20 inches.

justin: girl; january 11; 8 lbs. 4 oz.; 20 inches.

kk: boy; january 9; 8 lbs. 7 oz.

jasmine: boy; january 8, 8:00 p.m.; 8 lbs. 8 oz.

me: boy; january 18, 4:33 p.m.; 8 lbs. 4 oz.; 21 inches.

karen g: boy; january 2; 8 lbs. 10 oz.

lolo: boy; january 6; 7 lbs. 12 oz.

jeff a: boy; december 31/january 1, midnight; 7 lbs. 10 oz.

36 weeks.

week: 36

baby stats: this week bebe deux is the size of a crenshaw melon or a honeydew.  as a side note, emme had some honeydew at breakfast this weekend, and her saying honeydew is adorable.  i digress.  the average baby is about 6 pounds and 18 inches at this point.  s/he is gaining weight at the rate of an ounce a day.  four weeks to go (give or take).  whew! 

aversions/cravings: i made chocolate chip cookies from scratch for emme's teachers last night.  they smelled and looked amazing.  i really want some desserts. 

bump: i just had my 36 week appointment and am measuring exactly on track.  i thought this was a big growth week, but everything still looks normal and good.  liane felt my belly today and said it feels like a normal size baby (not the 32 pound baby i sometimes think i might deliver) and like i have a lot of water, which is great. 

worries: i'm starting to get really excited more than anything.  this morning, i saw someone's facebook post announcing the birth of her baby and i thought to myself "awwww, i want a new little baby!".  and then i remembered i'm pregnant and that is going to be me (not the facebook post, but the baby part) in just a few weeks!  it's going to be awesome, i think. 

boy or girl?: well, i told my mom last week that i would be SO surprised if this baby is a girl (and i maintain that i will be).  she reminded me that i said the EXACT same thing about emme.  which is probably true.  so...i'm still thinking boy.  but i'm also still thinking it will be one or the other.  ha.  we need to decide on some girl names. 

missing the most: sleeping.  the last week or so has been pretty rough for sleep.  pubic symphisis, peeing 3-4 times a night, emme waking up because of her cough/snotty nose...i guess it's all just part of prepping for when the kiddo shows up. 

pregnancy milestone: i filled out all my work paperwork for maternity leave and made a list of stuff to bring to the hospital.  i also moved ek's car seat to the side so i can install the infant seat base some time this week.  whoa.  i think the only major thing left is to get the bassinet situation set up so this bug has somewhere to sleep.  and to find our bouncy seat, which is MIA.  oh, i also need to talk to my boss since she's still in intense denial about the fact that i'm having a baby (she is still sending me meeting requests for january and asking me to take action items due in mid-january).  yeesh. 

35 weeks.

week: 35

baby stats: this is when the fruit comparisons start to get redundant and/or ridiculous, i think.  smalls is roughly the size of a honeydew melon or a coconut (i think coconuts are fairly small compared to some of the other recent fruit, but what do i know?).  so, approximately 5.25-5.8 pounds and 17.5-18.5 inches long.  baby's kidneys are good to go now, hearing is fully developed, musculoskeletal system is fully developed, and lungs are looking good.  the rest of this baby's time in my uterus is really about putting on lbs. and getting ready for exit.  

aversions/cravings: as expected, with the holidays on the horizon, i just want food.  i want to be in my kitchen baking and cooking and having lots of random people show up and eat at my house. 

bump: i am measuring right on track as of last week.  we start weekly appointments next week, so that is exciting as far as keeping track of growth.  i am definitely feeling the size of this kiddo lately - this is an active little niblet.  my belly button has still not popped out (it never did with emme), but i also don't have a linea negra this time (with her there was like a black tire track down my belly). i know there is a lot of growth to go over the last weeks, but it's almost hard to imagine it can get bigger than this. 

worries: hanging in there.  the last week or so has brought a TON of movement (i guess as baby's size increases and the amount of amniotic fluid decreases), so even though it can be not super comfortable on occasion (and can interfere with sleep), i LOVE this part of pregnancy.  i also love knowing that we're almost to the "safety zone" of size/development (in my own head).  also, we're in generally decent shape with preparation - clothes washed, boppy cleaned, etc - so that makes me less frantic.  i also submitted the paperwork for bebe at emme's school.  i am still hoping to find a nanny for the first year, but at least we have a back-up plan for when i go back to work, so that is a huge relief. 

boy or girl?: i can't remember the last time someone looked at my belly and guessed it will be a girl, so i am still firmly on the boy tip.  as i always say, though, i will still be surprised either way. 

missing the most: agility.  i'm not even an agile/graceful person, but i don't love how hard it is to bend over, pick up emme, etc.  but...totally worthwhile, obviously. 

pregnancy milestone: i'm in full-on final weeks insomnia/pelvis pain fun.  i like to think of these weeks as training for the newborn.  i really can't complain, though - i am really excited.  this is about to get really real.  wednesday marks the 1 month until my due date mark.  whoa!!

34 weeks.

week: 34

baby stats: b2 is roughly the size of a butternut squash or cantelope this week.  4.75-5.8 pounds is the average range, and 17-19 inches.  more fattening and brain growth and development of the central nervous system.  i like to think of these final weeks as the finishing touches.  so fun. 

aversions/cravings: not too bad this week.  justin bought some southern comfort egg nog the other day, and i am exceedingly jealous of that.  as an aside, if you have not tried it and are not diabetic, go get it now.  it's the southern comfort brand (no alcohol in it, duh) and it's near the creamer/milk/etc. in the dairy section of the grocery store in a little quart carton.  black with white lettering.  i will add to this recommendation by saying i think egg nog is disgusting, but this egg nog is one of the more delicious substances on earth....

bump: we have our 34 week appointment tomorrow, so we shall see how things are growing.  i am still feeling relatively normal in terms of size.  i think i was full-on huge with ek at this point, so even if i look massive to the outside world, i don't feel nearly as massive as last time, so that is a nice change.  particularly since stupid texas refuses to participate in december and our weather has been in the 80s.  ugh.  

worries: pretty good this week.  we had a really busy and productive weekend, and i have an appointment tomorrow, so those are usually recipes for a saner me.  i called the midwife last week to discuss my fasting levels and she still thinks i'm good without meds, so that is awesome.  really hoping to keep that up, but it feels like every day is harder. 

boy or girl?: i had a dream last night that we were at an appointment with my ob and she told us it was a boy and then was like "oh, wait, you STILL didn't want to know?  it's just a few more weeks."  haha.  in my dream, justin cried with joy over it being a boy, so i'm not sure what that says about my subconscious pressure.  ha. 

missing the most: not waking up in the middle of the night to pee.  being able to stay awake past 9:30. 

pregnancy milestone: nothing major this week.  the pain in my pelvis is pretty amazing and earlier i think (or at least at this intensity) than with emme.  my chiro did adjust the pubic bone last week because i'm out of alignment there and i am still sore from that.  fun fun. 

33 weeks.

week: 33

baby stats: for fruit this week, we've got durian fruit (what is that?) and pineapple.  so, a little over 4 pounds and probably around 17-18 inches.  this week is supposedly a growth spurt week and smalls is running out of room in my uterus, according to the internet.  ha. skeleton is hardening and wrinkles are decreasing, so s/he is looking more like a newborn every day. 

aversions/cravings: i want a big cheeseburger with grilled onions from five guys.  and a few sips of coke.  and french fries.  but mostly i'm ok. 

bump: measuring exactly at 33 weeks or so, so that is nice - i guess i can assume that doesn't mean i am going to have a 16 pounder...at our appointment on wednesday, smalls had flipped to head down (YAY!), so i am excited that things seems to be moving in the right direction.  a random idiot i work with just told me i look like i'm about to pop, but i don't think i'm anywhere close to the about to pop stage. 

worries: i'm doing ok.  the holiday was stupendous for my mental state - i had a chiro appointment, obgyn appointment, massage (from my birthday gift back in august), and 5 days off with my cute family.  my blood sugar has been in check - the midwife told me the fasting levels in the morning are the most important, and there's not a ton i can actually do about those, so we will keep an eye on them and decide whether or not to medicate.  so far, i'm staying below 95 more days than not, so no meds yet.  hoping to stay that way so i can avoid an induction and pharmaceutical intervention. 

boy or girl?: emme still says girl.  i still say boy.  justin changes his mind daily. 

missing the most: being able to comfortably hold my toddler, and get up and down from the floor with ease. 

pregnancy milestone: i made it through my first holiday with gestational diabetes.  ha!  i think christmas will be much harder (and longer), but i did well for thanksgiving and it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be.  i also got almost all the bebe's clothes/bedding/blankets/etc. washed this weekend, so that is huge.  i even washed my boppy and will pick up a new cover for it and then be pretty much ready, i think.  need to set up the bassinet and find/buy a new bouncy chair and probably some 0-3 month clothes, but mostly things are getting there.  my sprinkly last week was really nice - i have some lovely friends. 

32 weeks.

week: 32

baby stats: i seriously forgot at some point this week which week we were on.  i thought i lost a week somewhere, but thankfully it really is only 32.  whew.  anyway, this week, smalls is the size of a honeydew or a jicama or a squash.  the estimate from the internets is around 16.7 inches and somewhere around 3.75 lbs.  this little thumper has toenails and fingernails and hair and is gaining fat and all that other new baby goodness. 

aversions/cravings: cookies.  pancakes with syrup.  chips.  pasta with cream sauce.  sourdough bread.  cereal.  toast with butter.  decaf vanilla lattes.  hot cocoa.  rice in or on or with anything.  do i sound like a complainer yet? 

bump: i have an appointment on wednesday, so i am interested to see what's happening in this department.  i am theoretically supposed to be gaining a half pound of baby every week at this point, but i don't feel the intense growth-spurt belly that i felt with emme - at least, not yet.  i'm sure it will come.  

worries: not terrible this week.  i saw a chiropractor last week and will go again tomorrow (and weekly, probably, until the end).  getting my pelvis adjusted felt amazing, and had the added bonus of making bebe extra wiggly for a couple of days, so that was fun.  i've been doing inversions in the evening and my blood sugar has been in control, so both of those things help me think i'm being proactively helpful to this kiddo.  i went to a class for the diabetes last week, so that was also good in terms of getting on point with math for my meals, which i always love.  i am trying not to be super whiny about the gestational diabetes, but it really is much harder/more mentally trying for me than i expected.  lots of self-pitying - ha!  it doesn't help that justin's suggestion for every meal is tex mex, and that he drinks chocolate milk in front of me.  punk. 

boy or girl?: no clue right now.  i'm going to stick with boy, but i have no clue. 

missing the most: i think my lame cravings section does a good job of summarizing this...

pregnancy milestone: tomorrow night is my sprinkle (or sprinkly, as i like to call it).  my girlfriends throw a "light" shower for second babies.  though i'm not 100% wild about this idea (it's really hard for me to accept nice things being done for me), i think it will be really fun.  i wanted it to be as un-baby-shower-like as possible, so we're going to a fun bar/cafe at 8pm and i'm very excited to spend some time chatting with my ladies. 

31 weeks.

week: 31

baby stats: this week, small smalls is the size of a pineapple or four navel oranges (random).  so, over 16 inches and somewhere around 3.3-3.5 lbs.  baby's irises now react to light, and all five senses are in working order.  s/he is also turning its head as its brain continues to grow.  

aversions/cravings: i eat eggs.  and salads.  

bump: based on my appointment friday, i am measuring about half a week big right now.  but, give or take a few centimeters of fundal height is perfectly normal, says my midwife (and the internet).  i found the belly cast justin and i did of my emme belly at around 36 weeks or so, and it is insane.  this belly is shaped differently and smaller (thankfully) at this point.  we'll see where we end up!  

worries: going to see my practitioners always makes me feel approximately eleventy billion times better.  i cannot even begin to describe how much i love my doc and my midwife.  i don't think i knew a medical experience could be this awesome.  anyway...at friday's appointment, we talked about my gestational diabetes and i got some good guidance.  i'm still bummed/annoyed/worried, but they think i'm doing great and taking good care of myself.  i need to be walking more, so i am going to step that up.  baby is still breech, so i have an appointment with a chiropractor tomorrow to see if we can align my hips in a way that will make this baby happy.  ha.  there's still definitely a chance s/he will flip on its own, but i want to be proactive and do what i can to get this little one head down if at all possible.  if chiropractics don't work, i'll be scheduled for a version around 35 weeks, so that should be interesting....just hoping we get an independent flipper.  other than that, heartbeat, size, etc. all look great and that makes me much calmer in my head.  

boy or girl?: i'm less certain these days.  i am still saying boy because of the breech thing and how uncomfortable i am getting, but who knows, really?  other than my ob, of course.  ha.  

missing the most: chocolate things.  all of the chocolate things.  

pregnancy milestone: tomorrow is the "two months left" mark, at least until my due date.  that is crazy.  when i say "mid-january", it still sounds SO far away, but really it's ridiculously close.  this week, in preparation for family visitors, we got the nursery mostly in order, so i am feeling a little better about that.  still several things to do/inventory, but moving right along and i no longer feel like i have no idea where this kid is going to live.  ha.