eating crow.

today i learned a rough lesson. or faced a part of myself i didn't really like facing. or i ate crow.

i haven't liked hollis's teacher since he started at his new school. i don't really know why. i had a bad attitude going in to their transition to the new school, and i have looked for things to be wrong. consciously or unconsciously, i have "wanted" to find stuff to complain about in the environment.

with emme's classroom, i was only able to hang on to the negativity for a couple of weeks. because she articulates her opinions about things, and because the change in her was SO obvious, i had to accept that the new school was good for her, in spite of the flaws i still complain about.

but hollis. hollis has been a different story. he doesn't speak much yet - certainly not enough to communicate rationally what's going on every day. and he's extremely attuned to me and my attitude about stuff, as i am to his. so he and i have been sponging off each other in a negative feedback loop for the last two months.

on tuesday, h's teacher called me to tell me he was complaining about his bum. he'd had a big poop in the morning and was fussy and complainy from that point on. i picked him up early because kk had come into town, took him home, and saw that his bum was rashy and hadn't been 100% cleaned from his poop. to be fair, when you diaper standing up, it is nearly impossible to get it completely clean without really digging. and, hollis isn't exactly in the easiest state of mind regarding diaper changes these days.

so. he stayed home yesterday and played with kk and had a great day. we're struggling with him for sleep transitions and eating right now. a lot. but mostly he was fine and in a great place. i want to blame this rough patch on school. this morning, kk came with me to drop them off before she headed back to louisiana. hollis's teacher asked how he was doing, and i responded (rather jerk-ily) with news of his diaper rash and dirty bum, etc.

after dropping ek off and getting back in the car, my mom pointed out how rude i was to hollis's teacher. i am not a person who takes criticism well in any capacity, so i know she was scared to mention this to me. but, even though it destroys my ego to think about it, i had to acknowledge that she is right.

i have never given hollis's teacher or his classroom a fair shake. i have been defensive and ready to judge and be disappointed since the first day. in looking back on my interactions and conversations with ms. m, i am utterly embarrassed. i can say that i was being protective/trying to defend my child. but there is no reason for my behavior and countenance to have been what it's been. i'm not a rude or mean or bitchy person, really. i don't know how i've been operating like this for two months. as much as it SUCKS to come to terms with this, i am really glad my mom pointed it out to me. i needed someone to just call me out, just a little bit.

after dropping mom off, i drove back by the school. the babies were outside playing and ms. m was preparing the room with snacks, so she was alone. i offered an apology, told her i was sorry i had been so rude. no matter where my head/heart is with all of this, she did not deserve for me to speak to her that way. there's a way to talk to people and i know what that is. anyway. i told her the transition to this school had been really hard on me/our family and that it's devastating to me to have hollis break down every morning when i drop him off. but also, there is still no excuse for my bad demeanor. i never really think about what a hard, thankless (mostly) job it must be to deal with all those kidlets all day long every day. and the parents. and the other teachers. that is not an easy job, and i know she's not making zillions of dollars.

so. she gave me a big hug and told me it was ok and that they are going to take good care of my baby. and i am going to continue to work on my role in the whole dynamic. i don't want my little dude to be unhappy going there because he senses my hesitation/annoyance/negativity. it's hard to be wrong sometimes. haha.

election day.

at some point tuesday morning, it occurred to me that in 4 more presidential terms (interestingly, the number of presidential elections i have participated in), emme kay will be voting.  i had to look it up, and her 18th birthday, november 7, 2028, will be a tuesday and an election year.  pretty exciting.

justin and i got up early and took emme to the polls to cast our votes.  i try not to get political on the internet, but i follow the issues very closely and have watched this election season with alternating fascination and disgust, and i feel like this is an historical occasion that warrants a blog post.  i'm not that old, but i don't remember a time when everything was so divisive. 

i hold deep convictions about certain issues.  education.  liberty.  protection for those that can't protect themselves.  the environment.  there are others, but i think those are the biggest four.  i believe that economic prosperity stems from a place where these issues are prioritized.   when i look at an election, at our political process, i try to think beyond what my own life and my own current reality are.  i try to think about the future of my children - what kind of world i want them to grow up in.  what kind of people i want them to meet and know.  i try to vote with my heart and with my head.  it is not always easy to do.  i cannot reduce everything i believe into one paradigm or the other - i don't even believe there are only two paradigms to fit within...i can only prioritize those topics that are most relevant and worrisome to me. 

even harder than the actual casting of my vote is dealing with the other humans in the world and their discussions about all this voting, this political-ness.  every member of my extended family, with the exception of maybe one, tends in a different political direction than i do.  every one that i work with leans a different way than i as well.  it's odd, but it makes me feel persecuted in some bizarre way.  it also makes me feel like i have to be quiet and reserved about what i hold to be true and dear, lest family and co-workers think "differently" of me. 

that is not a comfortable position, and it's not one that i relish.  i think of myself as a convicted person who is willing and eager to stand up for what i believe in.  but, in this time of facebook and sound bites, standing up for yourself is a quick and easy way to lose friends and alienate people.  too often, if you even begin a politically-charged sentiment, people assume they understand everything about what you think and why you think it.  i prefer to believe that we are all much, much more complex than that, so i try to stay out of it (publicly). i try to give people who write blanket (and false) statements like "obama is a muslim" the benefit of the doubt. 

obama was never my candidate.  i didn't love him in 2008 and i don't love him today.  do i believe he is the best candidate available right now?  yes.  is the foundation of that belief incredibly complicated and impossible to reduce down to a single issue?  absolutely.  i worry about the environment - will the air we breathe and the water we drink be clean for my children and their children?  i worry about opportunity - will my daughter(s) have access to the same jobs as men at the same pay?  will they be allowed autonomy over their own bodies - free to make the choices that our family morals and values guide them to make, not confined to some edict issued by the government?  i worry about the people we interact with daily - will they be educated?  healthy?  i feel a sense of brotherhood and compassion for my fellow citizens, and i also feel like the whole country is elevated when we raise up the "least of our brothers and sisters".  i worry about the economy, but only as far as i worry about the deep political and philosophical divide among those in power.  i think the economic system is far too complex and interdependent for one man to do much about - the world is different now, and we need to accept that and move on rather than hankering to policies that worked in the early 80s (or never worked at all).  i worry most about education, since i believe it's the foundation of everything - will i be able to afford to send my children to school?  will they have access to teachers who care?  who are not just pawns in some ridiculous union battle?  will college be affordable and attainable for them?  for their peers and friends?  i worry about safety - when money talks, how do those without it make people listen?  children, single mothers, the elderly - who is looking out for these groups when the government is looking out for corporations?   i worry about the rest of the world - we live in a completely different reality than what existed even 10-15 years ago...are we getting on board with that reality?  are we set up for success and peace among the international community? 

at the end of the day, these were just a few of the concerns that factored in to my vote.  i'm glad that obama won, but i don't think he's the answer.  i think there is a lot of work to do.  i find it interesting that some of the political opposition have said that obama did nothing over the last four years, but simultaneously believe he is capable of completely destroying everything good and pure in the universe in the next four.  one cannot be useless and all-powerful at the same time.  i also think the hyperbole around the destruction of our country and the blatant misinformation from mainstream news media is terrifying.  these are strange times, but i am hopeful that we can all take a minute to check our motives and our biases and decide to work together for the good of the whole.  after all, i've got kids to raise in this great land...

future tennis star.

like i would assume many families do, justin and i like to joke about what sport/activity emme will play that will lead to scholarships/fame/fortune in her adult life.  tennis and golf crop up in our fantasy most frequently, but we occasionally divert in to soccer, dancing, art, writing, etc.  it's all a joke, but it's so much fun to imagine what things she will fall in love with as she grows. 
anyway...today i was messing around on quora - a Q&A site that is probably the best thing to happen to the internet in a long time - and i found a link to a question about introducing your children to activities (this one happened to mention tennis) at a young age in the hopes that they would develop a passion and ultimately dedication and skill in said activity.  i sent the link to justin, and here is his reply.  i love that guy. 

interesting. i have no desire to force emme to do/learn anything she doesn't have any interest in. would i love to see her to play tennis/golf? sure. and i absolutely think kids need guidance in picking sports/hobbies/etc. but she has to want to play for it to work. i'll absolutely have the grand slam tournaments on TV, hoping it sparks her interest, but i'm not going to sign her up for lessons at age 4 and tell her it's something she's learning. i look back at my ill-fated basketball career, doomed before it even had the chance to blossom. dad played high school basketball... and i was supposed to be 6'4-6'7 said the doctors when i was young. WHB decided to sign me up for basketball when i was 5, i think, without having so much as seen a basketball game. i was the worst kid on the team (at least that's how i remember it). the kids wouldn't pass me the ball, i traveled more than i dribbled, never made baskets, and didn't have a dad that worked with me to improve outside of practice. all very tragic i know. after two years of epic bitty-ball fail, i hated the sport. and still do. i mean, F basketball. putting a ball in a stupid hoop? that's just dumb. don't even get me started on why bouncing the stupid orange ball is necessary. and orange? really? orange is the color you picked for the ball?

i'm glad he and i are on the same page with this...

thankful: november 22.

today, i am exceptionally thankful that i have been able to breastfeed.  i absolutely know that not everyone can (or chooses) to nurse her baby.  it's a super personal, individual decision (and sometimes it's not a decision you even get to make), and i respect and support each woman's journey with those early, crazy days and weeks.  for me, it was something i really wanted to be able to do.  my mom breastfed me, and i made the commitment when i was pregnant to do it for a year if at all possible.  it was not always easy. after going back to work when she was twelve weeks old, i pumped three or four times a day at work, while still nursing her at least three times in the hours i was at home.  that was not fun.  while i am grateful that the technology exists now that enabled me to continue to give breastmilk to my baby even though i'm a working mom, pumping is very mechanical and time consuming and sometimes downright inconvenient.  not only do you have to get bottles, laundry, etc. ready for the baby each day on top of your own work supplies, lunch, etc., you also have to think about having enough clean bottles at the ready, how/where you're going to store the milk, when you're going to be able to pump (negotiating around meetings and trying to be a little bit discrete), if the clothes you're wearing will accommodate the pump phlange things, and myriad other details.  it's not the biggest deal ever, of course, it's just one more chunk of responsibility in an already-crazy time, especially when it's your first time. 

anyway...as time went on and she grew, i was able to decrease the pumping demands until, by the last week of october, i was only pumping once a day. finally, october 29th was the last day i pumped.  i still haven't weaned her, but i am loving this arrangement of cow's milk during the day and being able to nurse in the morning and at night.  i'm sure i'll eventually get around to weaning, but it just doesn't seem like the right time quite yet.  i'm amazed that human bodies can produce a life-sustaining substance, and i am awed and humbled that i was able to experience it.  i'm also thankful that, through the whole journey, i produced a whole lotta extra milk and was able to donate a bunch of ounces (i think close to 400 - whoa) to the mothers' milk bank here in austin.  just a quick little plug - if you express milk for your babies and have extra, there is SUCH a need for human milk for the teeny tiny preemies and for other babies who have issues and whose mothers can't meet their demands.  i know austin has a bank for this purpose, but lots of other cities probably do, too.  the women who run that non-profit were incredibly gracious and thankful, and did an amazing job of reminding me how much they appreciated my donation.  i am so thankful i got to give back just a little bit from an experience that i have gotten so much joy from...

on raising a daughter, part 1.

i'm feeling all writerly today, so i apologize for the increase in words - particularly serious ones.  i came across this article this morning and it got me thinking. 

for those that don't feel like chasing links around the internet, the article talks about how people respond when they meet little girls.  they instantly go to value judgments about how precious/clean/well-dressed/beautiful said girl is.  and i do the same thing, which sort of boggles my mind.  these girls ARE all of those things, of course, but that is not all they are.  and the immediate observation of it seems to be doing a disservice to generations of girls who now value beauty over substance (the statistics in the article are terrifying).  this is something i've struggled with in my own life (and still do) - at times choosing to underplay whatever physical attributes i have in favor of being taken more seriously as an intellectual.  both extremes are a lose/lose for women and girls in so many ways.  i can recount about a zillion stories around this issue - it's not some revolutionary topic - but what i loved about this article was the proposed solution.  ask the little girl about her hobbies, her ideas.  what she likes and why.  offer to do an activity with her - read, color, dig in the dirt.  i hope i can keep this focus on substance at the forefront of her development, even though i will continue to dress her in adorable outfits and make sure she's clean (most of the time...).  but i worry about all the outside influencers.  when you start tallying up the number of hours your little monkey is outside of your realm versus inside, it gets depressing.  how do you combat reality television and skintight clothing and mascara commercials?  how do you ensure that your daughter(s) place a greater emphasis on their heads and hearts but also make sure they know it's still ok to take pride in/be comfortable with the way they look?  how do they become people that grow more beautiful as you get to know them because of all the exuberance and personality they possess?  

the bottom line is that i DO think my daughter is beautiful.  but the things i love the most about her are her curiosity and her stubbornness, her precociousness and her big heart - and that's just the beginning.  i am sure the list of traits i love will expound into eternity....i just want to make sure i remember to tell her about all of those things instead of just talking about her eyelashes and her complexion....

email rules.

i work in an office and live in the year 2011.  i think i probably get well over 100 emails a day.  some days are worse than others - i'm trying not to over-use hyperbole.  i like email - it's a fast (debatably), easy way to communicate with people and i'm not a phone talker.  that being said, email can suck my life and time away like nothing else.  it's pervasive: on my computer, on my phone, on my ipad.  the little ding of a new mail message coming in and i obediently pick up a device and attend to it.  and half the time it's nothing - a facebook update (kill me), a lost pet in my area, yet another coupon code for shutterfly.  the worst is when it's from someone i know or work with, and i anticipate a quality message and instead receive something completely inane - an invitation to participate in their name-the-band contest; a request to come out to one of the endlessly recurring dj gmau parties at even though i've never been to a single one; a forward about religion or politics or even puppies or the saints.  it's not that i don't care about peoples' opinions on those issues.  i do, actually, even when they differ from my own.  but i would love to read those opinions from the real person.  i would appreciate seeing pictures they have taken of cute animals.  does that make sense?  

anyway...i read blogs because i like having control over the content i am ingesting.  you can write about or post whatever inane stuff you want on a blog and people will either read it or they won't, but it's not accosting them in their email inbox, demanding their attention.  it's pull marketing - my favorite kind (in theory).  one of the blogs i read is seth godin's - he is a writer and marketer and something of a guru in the realm of idea generation and changing everything (in an awesome, constructive way).  so, seth recently re-posted a list of rules for email he wrote about 3 years ago and i thought it was great, so i'm re-posting it.  some of these don't apply to any/every bit of correspondence (especially personal as opposed to business correspondence), but they are all good to consider but i especially love #s 18, 27, 28, 29, 31, 33, and 36.

1. Is it going to just one person? (If yes, jump to #10)
2. Since it's going to a group, have I thought about who is on my list?
3. Are they blind copied?
4. Did every person on the list really and truly opt in? Not like sort of, but really ask for it?
5. So that means that if I didn't send it to them, they'd complain about not getting it?
6. See #5. If they wouldn't complain, take them off!
7. That means, for example, that sending bulk email to a list of bloggers just cause they have blogs is not okay.
8. Aside: the definition of permission marketing: Anticipated, personal and relevant messages delivered to people who actually want to get them. Nowhere does it say anything about you and your needs as a sender. Probably none of my business, but I'm just letting you know how I feel. (And how your prospects feel).
9. Is the email from a real person? If it is, will hitting reply get a note back to that person? (if not, change it please).
10. Have I corresponded with this person before?
11. Really? They've written back? (if no, reconsider email).
12. If it is a cold-call email, and I'm sure it's welcome, and I'm sure it's not spam, then don't apologize. If I need to apologize, then yes, it's spam, and I'll get the brand-hurt I deserve.
13. Am I angry? (If so, save as draft and come back to the note in one hour).
14. Could I do this note better with a phone call?
15. Am I blind-ccing my boss? If so, what will happen if the recipient finds out?
16. Is there anything in this email I don't want the attorney general, the media or my boss seeing? (If so, hit delete).
17. Is any portion of the email in all caps? (If so, consider changing it.)
18. Is it in black type at a normal size?
19. Do I have my contact info at the bottom? (If not, consider adding it).
20. Have I included the line, "Please save the planet. Don't print this email"? (If so, please delete the line and consider a job as a forest ranger or flight attendant).
21. Could this email be shorter?
22. Is there anyone copied on this email who could be left off the list?
23. Have I attached any files that are very big? (If so, google something like 'send big files' and consider your options.)
24. Have I attached any files that would work better in PDF format?
25. Are there any :-) or other emoticons involved? (If so, reconsider).
26. Am I forwarding someone else's mail? (If so, will they be happy when they find out?)
27. Am I forwarding something about religion (mine or someone else's)? (If so, delete).
28. Am I forwarding something about a virus or worldwide charity effort or other potential hoax? (If so, visit snopes and check to see if it's 'actually true).
29. Did I hit 'reply all'? If so, am I glad I did? Does every person on the list need to see it?
30. Am I quoting back the original text in a helpful way? (Sending an email that says, in its entirety, "yes," is not helpful).
31. If this email is to someone like Seth, did I check to make sure I know the difference between its and it's? Just wondering.
32. If this is a press release, am I really sure that the recipient is going to be delighted to get it? Or am I taking advantage of the asymmetrical nature of email--free to send, expensive investment of time to read or delete?
33. Are there any little animated creatures in the footer of this email? Adorable kittens? Endangered species of any kind?
34. Bonus: Is there a long legal disclaimer at the bottom of my email? Why?
35. Bonus: Does the subject line make it easy to understand what's to come and likely it will get filed properly?
36. If I had to pay 42 cents to send this email, would I?

cloth diapering: the how and the why.

someone on facebook just asked me about cloth diapering, so i thought i would post a modified version of my note to her here.  i have to say, cloth diapering has been such a great decision for us.  i admit, i am a little bit crunchy when it comes to all this mommy stuff, but i think cloth diapering can be for everyone - not just us pseudo-hippie types.  it's infinitely easier, cheaper, and better than i ever could have imagined.  emme will be 5 months old on thursday and has yet to have any diaper rash.  oh, and that's with us not even using diaper creams as a preventer!
so.  we use fuzzibunz and we absolutely LOVE the brand.  my mom tells me they were invented by a woman from lafayette, which makes me like them even more, but beyond that they are amazing quality and amazing cuteness.  
we have about 13 diapers which means we wash every other day. this has been fine, but i think an ideal number would be about 20. you don't really want to go more than every 3 days just because even breastfed baby poop gets stinky. i am hoping to buy 6 or so more soon...
after 5 months of use (50-70% for the first month or two, full time by 8 weeks or so), the diaps still look pretty much brand new (i plan to use them for baby #2 if we have another and they should totally hold up for multiple kids). we use the "one-size" fuzzibunz so she will be in the same diapers until potty training - i'm not about buying more diaps in different sizes as she grows. 
the way we wash them is throw them all in the machine (you take the inserts out and put everything in together) and do a cold rinse. then add about half the amount of detergent you would use for that size load (XS on my washer) and a capful of white vinegar and do a hot wash. tumble dry on low and they're dry in about 30 minutes. 
other supplies you need are a "wet bag".  i have the fuzzibunz one, but there are some wicked cute ones on etsy that i would totally buy if i'd known about them when i was getting this bag. this is basically in place of a garbage can and just hangs on a hook by the changing table. you can wash them with the diaps, so you may want two bags in rotation (i just have one).  we also use re-usable wipes, which is totally not necessary, but i have found it to be cheaper, better for her bum, and way easier. easier because i can throw the "wipes" in with the diapers instead of having to put diapers in the bag and wipes in the trash.  everything in one place = key.  i just bought some cheapo thin washcloths on amazon - i think i have like 30 (3 10-packs) and it's more than enough. then, i have a spray bottle. the mix i make is just: fill spray bottle with water (mine is about 24 oz i think), add 1 tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp baby shampoo/soap, 10 drops of lavendar essential oil and 10 drops of tea tree essential oil. the lavendar and tea tree are anti-bacterial and smell awesome! the soap and olive oil act as cleansers and moisturizers for baby parts. there are a zillion different recipes for diaper spray online, i just use this one because i can remember it and we had all those ingredients on hand. 

i think that's it! we still use disposables when traveling, but i even bring cloth when she and i are out and about - they have mini wet bags for that and it's just easier, honestly. when i embarked on the cloth diapering thing, i thought i was being so noble and environmentally conscious and it would be worth all the extra work. as it has turned out, it is really not hard AT ALL and the cute, colorful baby tush is awesome. also, the complete absence of anything resembling diaper rash is amazing. if you use the re-usable wipes, you just wet a little part, so you can dry them before re-diapering too, which helps also. i absolutely love the fuzzibunz, but i have friends that use bumgenius and gdiapers as well. 
i'm pretty passionate about all of this stuff now, so if you're reading this and considering cloth diapering, even part time, feel free to ask me any questions!  it's totally worth it.