garbage and gratitude.

sometimes in yoga, we do a little exercise where we stand in a circle and symbolically throw all of our garbage into the middle of the room, into an imaginary fire pit.  our garbage can be really abstract things like fear or really specific things like that thing that woman said to me at work today.  i've always thought the whole thing was a little cheesy and contrived, frankly.  i mean, lots of stuff in yoga can be, but on the whole it balances out with the really helpful techniques and exercises we do.

yesterday, i had a lot of garbage to cast into the imaginary fire pit.  i'm not sure i was done casting, as a lot of it is still on my mind, but i just got some great news and i'm thinking there may be more to the expulsion of negative thoughts and energy than i originally thought.

one of the things i threw into the pit was the 3-hour glucose tolerance test i had to take yesterday morning.  i had failed the 1-hour screening test last monday, which completely took me off guard and left me feeling anxious and inept for the week until this second test.  as my mom says, you can rationalize everything and quote a zillion statistics, but until you have the results in your hands, you're still going to worry about it.  i worried off and on all day, alternately convincing myself that i definitely had gestational diabetes (no need to be taken by surprise again), and berating myself for not being positive enough (think something good will happen and you will it to happen and all that). at yoga, i tossed the whole thing in the pit.  or, i tried to. it was still weighing on my mind a little bit, but i at least felt mentally prepared for either outcome.

so, i passed.  and therein lies yet another reminder to me that everything works out, one way or another.  i'm very relieved.  and grateful.  and on to the next item i'm throwing in the pit.

yesterday, we also got the news that the store we bought all our baby furniture from is bankrupt.  lots of other random things with that, but the short story is that they won't be fulfilling our order, and we are just hoping that they will refund the money we paid them already.  at this point it's mostly hope with a little wait and see.  we've filed a claim with my bank, and i've sent some emails over to the place, so i guess we'll know what's happening at some point in the near future.  a bummer all around, but fundamentally just some more garbage to toss out of my mind.  and with that, i am just going to think that it will all work out, and if it's a problem that can be solved with money, it's not really a problem.

there are a few other garbage-y items i need to expel more thoroughly, but it's mostly internal stuff i think everyone goes through on the precipice of a major life event.  i think this negativity expulsion might need to be more of a daily practice than a weekly one, so i can fully embrace all the really really awesome stuff that's going on.