gruene.

this past weekend, my friend amber turned 40 (!).  that's a pretty big deal, so she rented a house on the river in gruene and we moseyed on down, boots in tow.  the afternoon was spent lunching, strolling, and wandering into random shops.  we ended up drinking coffee and chatting by the river until it was time to strap on those boots and head to dinner.  dancing followed dinner and a super late night of hilariousness followed all of that.  i last looked at my clock at 4:42 (what?) and then woke up at 7:12.  ah, the sleep habits of a mom.

it was really fun.  honestly, i was on the fence about going.  i didn't know many of the girls well, and i don't leave the kids if i don't have to, ever.  in fact, this was the first night jb has had both kids solo, ever i think.  but while i was there, it was really good.  i am not unhappy in my current life - at all.  but being on my own, in a small town with nothing i had to do...i could feel the layers of responsibility skin starting to peel off of me.  not enough, and not in any permanent way, but it was good to get a slight glimpse of just...me.

everyone changes when they have children.  duh.  but i have changed a lot more than i expected.  and not always for the best.  i worry and fret and obsess over my kids to my own detriment.  i read stuff about putting myself first and creating me-time and i roll my eyes because...i don't see how, and most days it feels like i may be completely lost anyway.  too much effort to try to dig my self out from under all the things.

saturday's night out didn't unlock the mystery or give me any kind of solution.  but it did offer me a small glimmer of hope that i might be worth the effort of trying to rediscover.