back to it.

dear hollis,

my sweet boy.  yesterday was my first day back at work and the longest i've been away from you since you were born.  it wasn't too terribly horrible, mainly because you are still phasing in at school, so i got to pick you up at 12:30 and see you between naps in the afternoon while working with kk taking care of you.  i have a feeling the reality of it all will hit me pretty brutally next week when you're gone for the full day and we're doing this whole thing by ourselves.

in truth, i feel like you and i got robbed.  your birth was so sudden and quick and i haven't really been able to catch my breath since.  we get better every day, but i spent so many days and weeks trying to figure you out, i need at least another month of quality time just enjoying who you are and who you're becoming.  but, such is life (or, at least, this life right now).

you are growing like a weed and are turning in to such a charming little monkey.  your smiles and almost-laughs are the highlight of my days.  we had to ditch your beloved pacifier last week because of the transition in to school, but you're learning to handle being without it as you learn to sleep and calm your body down.  there is such a lot to learn when you're a little niblet and i hope i'm guiding you gently but firmly in the right direction.

mostly i just want to tell you that i love you beyond belief.  i didn't know what it would be like, having two children, but it has just confounded me how you've made the size of my heart and my love grow into new dimensions.  i will miss being the one who sees you after every nap, who nurses you for every meal.  i will miss your sweet face burrowed in my neck when i relent and let you just doze on me instead of putting you down.  i will miss our errands and floor time, our hang outs with friends.  i will miss teasing you about how much you hate tummy time.  i will even miss lugging your car seat in and out of places and listening to you scream in the back seat when you get too tired.

change is really hard my love.  and in this case, it feels really unfair and unnecessary.  but you are in good hands and i will make it up to you by smothering you with all the kisses i can outside of daycare hours.

love,

mommy.